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After a romance scam: reporting and recovery

What to do in the first hours after a romance scam, how to report it, what can be recovered by payment method, and how to come back from it.

By Orthodate Editorial14 minute read

If you have just realised that the person you have been talking to was not real, or was real and was taking you, the next few days matter more than the next few months. Banks, card networks and platforms all work to short windows, and almost every lever that exists closes quickly. This guide is about what to do after, in the order to do it: the first hour, the money, the reports, the second scam that will come for you, and the part that takes longest, which is not the money at all.

At a glance

Key takeaways

  • Preserve the evidence before you block anyone, then stop all contact and all payments; the screenshots are what make a bank dispute or a police report usable.
  • Report in three places rather than one: the platform, the Federal Trade Commission at ReportFraud.ftc.gov, and the FBI’s Internet Crime Complaint Center, and get a local police report number because banks frequently ask for it.
  • Anyone who contacts you afterwards offering to recover your money is running the second half of the same fraud, and victim lists are actively resold for exactly that purpose.

1. The first hour, in order

Do not confront them and do not announce that you have worked it out. The moment a scammer knows they are exposed, accounts vanish, numbers are discarded and the evidence you need goes with them. There is nothing to be gained from the confrontation and there is a real cost to it.

Capture the evidence first. Screenshot the whole profile including the account name and any identifier visible in the address bar, screenshot the conversation from the beginning rather than only the recent part, and save every phone number, email address, payment reference, wallet address and photograph. Export the chat if the platform allows it. Put all of it in one folder with the date.

Then stop the money. Every scheduled transfer, standing order or recurring payment, cancelled at the source. If a transfer is in flight, telephone rather than email; a wire that has not yet settled can sometimes be recalled and that window is measured in hours.

Then stop the contact, everywhere at once. Block on the platform, the messaging apps, the phone number and the email address in the same sitting. Partial blocking leaves a channel open, and the single most common way people lose a second sum is through a channel they meant to close and did not.

  • Screenshot everything before blocking anything.
  • Cancel every scheduled or recurring payment.
  • Telephone the bank about anything still in flight.
  • Block across every channel in one sitting, not gradually.
  • Do not tell them you know.

2. What can be recovered depends entirely on how you paid

The Federal Trade Commission’s guidance is blunt and correct: if you paid a romance scammer by gift card, wire transfer, credit or debit card or cryptocurrency, contact the company or your bank straight away, tell them plainly that you paid a scammer and ask for the money back. The phrasing matters, because fraud teams route cases by what you say in the first call.

Credit cards are the strongest position. Card networks have chargeback rules and a dispute window, and fraud departments deal with this daily. Debit cards are weaker but still worth pursuing, and the timeline for reporting unauthorised activity is shorter, which is why the call is made today rather than at the weekend.

Bank wires and account-to-account transfers are harder but not hopeless in the first day or two. Ask specifically for a wire recall or a SWIFT recall, and ask the bank to contact the receiving institution. After settlement, the money has usually been moved onward within hours by design.

Payment apps are governed by their own terms and generally treat an authorised push payment as final, which is exactly why scammers prefer them. Report it anyway, in writing, and keep the reference: patterns across many reports are what regulators act on.

Gift cards need the card issuer rather than the retailer that sold them. Call the number on the back, give the card number and the receipt, and ask whether the balance is still intact. Occasionally it is, and the only way to find out is quickly.

Cryptocurrency is the hardest of all, because a confirmed transaction cannot be reversed. What is still worth doing is reporting the receiving wallet address to the exchange you used and to the IC3, since exchanges can sometimes freeze funds that land back on a regulated platform. In 2025 the IC3 recorded 5,925 romance fraud complaints with a cryptocurrency nexus and $394,787,515 in associated losses, so the reporting channel is well established.

  • Credit card: dispute as fraud, immediately, by phone and then in writing.
  • Debit card: report unauthorised activity at once; the window is short.
  • Wire: ask explicitly for a recall and for contact with the receiving bank.
  • Payment app: report in writing and keep the case reference.
  • Gift card: call the issuer on the back of the card, not the shop.
  • Crypto: report the wallet address to the exchange and to the IC3.

3. Where to report, and why each one matters

Report to the platform first, because it is the only channel that removes the account and protects the next person. Use the in-product report rather than an email to support, attach what you captured, and note the report reference.

Report to the Federal Trade Commission at ReportFraud.ftc.gov. The FTC cannot resolve an individual case, and it says so plainly, but reports are shared with a very large number of law enforcement bodies and are what drives enforcement action against the infrastructure behind these operations.

Report to the FBI’s Internet Crime Complaint Center at ic3.gov. This is the one that matters most for larger losses, and it is the channel through which funds are occasionally frozen when the report arrives quickly enough. Include wallet addresses, account numbers, transaction hashes and timestamps.

File a report with your local police and get the report number. Many banks and insurers will ask for one before they will progress a claim, and obtaining it later is considerably harder than obtaining it now. Do not be discouraged if the officer is candid about the likelihood of an arrest; the number is what you need.

If you sent identity documents, a passport photograph, a social security number or anything that could support impersonation, go to IdentityTheft.gov as well and follow its recovery plan, and consider a credit freeze with each of the credit bureaus. A freeze is free, reversible and the single most effective protection available.

  • The platform, for removal and for the next person.
  • ReportFraud.ftc.gov, for enforcement data.
  • ic3.gov, for the FBI and for any chance of a freeze.
  • Local police, for the report number your bank will ask for.
  • IdentityTheft.gov and a credit freeze, if documents were shared.

4. If intimate images or documents were involved

Sextortion frequently sits inside or immediately after a romance fraud, and the instinct to pay is the wrong one. Paying identifies you as someone who pays and almost always produces a second demand. Report it, keep everything, and do not negotiate.

Take-down help exists and works better than most people expect. Platforms have dedicated non-consensual imagery reporting channels, and hash-matching services can prevent a specific image from being re-uploaded across participating services. If the person in the image is under eighteen, this is a criminal matter to be reported to law enforcement immediately.

Tell one person you trust before the threats escalate. The leverage in this kind of extortion is entirely the fear of exposure, and it collapses the moment somebody else knows. That is not a comforting platitude; it is the mechanism by which these cases actually end.

5. The second scam is already on its way

Victim lists are traded. Within weeks, and sometimes within days, you are likely to be contacted by someone offering to recover what you lost: a law firm, a blockchain forensics company, an investigator, a government agency, occasionally a person claiming to be another victim who found a way. The FTC has a standing warning about refund and recovery scams because they are that predictable.

The tells are consistent. An upfront fee, a tax, a bond or a wallet activation payment. A demand for your wallet seed phrase or account credentials. Pressure and a deadline. An agency contacting you first, which real agencies do not do about your own complaint. And an offer that arrives unprompted, shortly after a loss that only you and the criminals know about.

The rule is simple and absolute: nobody legitimate will ask you to pay money in order to receive money you are owed, and no genuine investigator needs your seed phrase. If you want to check whether an approach is real, close the message and contact the organisation yourself through a number you look up independently.

Criminals have impersonated the IC3 itself for this purpose. Treat any inbound contact about your case as unverified until you have called back on a number you found yourself.

  • Any upfront fee to release recovered funds is a fraud.
  • No legitimate party needs your seed phrase or passwords.
  • Agencies do not cold-contact you about your own complaint.
  • Verify by calling a number you found yourself, never one you were sent.
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6. Telling someone, which is the hard part

The reason romance fraud is under-reported is shame, and the shame is disproportionate to the facts. The IC3 figures for 2025 record 3,745 complaints from people in their fifties, 3,010 from people in their forties, 2,501 from people in their thirties and 1,886 from people in their twenties, alongside 10,188 from people aged sixty and over. This is not a condition of age or of loneliness. It is a crime with a very wide target.

Tell one person within the first week. Somebody practical, not necessarily somebody close: the point is to have a second head for the bank calls and the reports, at a moment when your own judgement is understandably poor. People who go through this alone report the worst outcomes, both financially and otherwise.

If you are part of a parish, your priest is a reasonable person to tell, and confession is not a prerequisite for a conversation. Clergy in most communities have seen this before, more often than parishioners imagine, and a priest who knows can also quietly watch for the same account approaching others.

Be careful about whom you tell publicly. A public account of what happened can be read by people who will treat you as a target for the recovery scam, and in small communities it can produce a level of scrutiny that is its own second injury.

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7. The loss that is not financial

Almost everyone underestimates this part. What ends is not only a sum of money but a relationship that was, from your side, entirely real. The conversations happened. The attachment was genuine. The fact that the other party was a fiction does not retroactively make your own feelings a fiction, and being told to feel nothing because it was fake is unhelpful and inaccurate.

Expect a grief that behaves like any other, complicated by the fact that you cannot mourn openly without also disclosing the fraud. Expect anger, which is appropriate and should be aimed at the person who did it rather than at yourself. Expect an unstable period in which you doubt your own judgement about everyone, which is the most damaging aftereffect and the one worth treating deliberately.

Give it structure. A fixed amount of time each week to deal with the administrative side, and the rest of the week free of it. Ordinary routines, ordinary people, ordinary obligations. If the low mood persists past a few weeks, or if there is any thought of self-harm, treat that as a medical matter and speak to a doctor rather than waiting for it to lift.

Do not make large compensating decisions in the first month. Moving, changing jobs, withdrawing from a community, closing every account and disappearing are all tempting and all better assessed later, when the decision is yours rather than the aftershock’s.

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8. Going back to dating without becoming unreachable

Most people do go back, and the ones who do it well change their process rather than their personality. The instinct to become permanently suspicious is understandable and costs you the thing you were looking for in the first place.

Change three things. Insist on a live video call early, before any significant emotional investment, because it remains the single most effective filter. Refuse every financial conversation absolutely, with no exceptions for emergencies, no matter how plausible; a real relationship can survive the delay of meeting in person first. And tell one friend about anyone you start talking to, by name, early enough for them to ask a sceptical question.

If you are dating within an Orthodox context specifically, use the structure the community already provides. A parish is a physical place with a priest and a telephone number that you can look up yourself. Anybody who cannot resolve into a specific building with specific clergy has told you something important, and checking is neither rude nor faithless.

Finally, give it a little time. Returning within a fortnight, while the adrenaline is still up, tends to produce either an over-cautious profile that repels ordinary people or a vulnerability that the next operation will find. A month or two, spent on the reports and on ordinary life, puts you back in a much better position.

The first seventy-two hours

Work through this in order and do not skip ahead to the emotional part; that will still be there on Thursday, and the recovery windows will not be. Set aside two uninterrupted hours for the first three steps.

  1. Step 1

    Build the evidence folder before blocking anyone

    Profile, full conversation, names, numbers, addresses, transaction records, wallet addresses and photographs, all in one dated folder. Every subsequent step draws from this folder, and reconstructing it after the account disappears is usually impossible.

  2. Step 2

    Make the money calls today, by telephone

    Bank, card issuer, gift card issuer, exchange, in whatever order matches where the money went. Say the words “I have been defrauded” early in the call so it is routed to the fraud team, and write down the case reference for each one.

  3. Step 3

    File the three reports in one sitting

    The platform, ReportFraud.ftc.gov and ic3.gov. Keep the confirmation for each. Doing all three at once, from the same folder, takes about an hour; doing them separately over weeks means the last one never happens.

  4. Step 4

    Get the police report number and lock down your identity

    A local report for the number your bank will ask for, and if any identity documents were shared, IdentityTheft.gov plus a credit freeze at each bureau. Change passwords and enable two-factor authentication on anything that shared a credential.

  5. Step 5

    Tell one person and write down what you will not do

    One practical friend, this week. Then write a single line where you can see it: no recovery services, no new payments, no re-contact. Anyone who approaches you about recovering the money is the same crime wearing a different face.

Common questions

Can I get my money back after a romance scam?

Sometimes, and it depends almost entirely on the payment method and how fast you act. Credit card disputes have the best chance, debit and wire are weaker but worth pursuing immediately, and confirmed cryptocurrency transfers cannot be reversed. In every case the first day matters far more than the second.

Where do I report a romance scam in the United States?

Report to the dating platform, to the Federal Trade Commission at ReportFraud.ftc.gov, and to the FBI’s Internet Crime Complaint Center at ic3.gov. File a local police report as well, because banks and insurers frequently ask for the report number before progressing a claim.

Is it worth reporting if I only lost a small amount?

Yes. Reports are aggregated, and the smaller ones are often what establish a pattern across many victims. Reporting also removes the account, which protects the next person, and it costs you twenty minutes.

Someone has offered to recover my money. Is that real?

Almost certainly not. Refund and recovery fraud specifically targets people who have already been defrauded, and victim lists are resold for that purpose. Any upfront fee, any request for a seed phrase or password, and any unsolicited contact from an agency about your own complaint are all signs of the second scam.

Will the police actually do anything?

An individual arrest is uncommon because most of these operations are overseas, and an officer may tell you so. File anyway. The report number unlocks the bank and insurance processes, and aggregated reporting is what supports action against the infrastructure and the money mules.

Should I tell my priest or my family?

Tell at least one practical person within the first week, for help with the calls and the paperwork. A priest is a reasonable choice and has usually seen this before. Be more careful about telling many people at once, since publicity can attract recovery scammers and, in small communities, unhelpful scrutiny.

How common is this?

The FBI recorded 23,159 confidence and romance fraud complaints in 2025 with $929,287,469 in reported losses, up from 17,910 complaints the previous year. Complaints came from every age bracket, including 1,886 from people in their twenties and 3,010 from people in their forties.

Can I use dating apps again?

Yes, and most people do. Change the process rather than your personality: a live video call early, an absolute refusal of any money conversation, and one friend who knows the name of anyone you are talking to. Give it a few weeks before returning rather than going straight back.

Sources and further reading

Pastoral practice can vary by diocese and jurisdiction. For questions about your circumstances, speak with the priest responsible for your pastoral care.

This guide provides general safety information, not legal or emergency advice. If you are in immediate danger, contact local emergency services.