Orthodox weddings

The Orthodox wedding service, from beginning to end

Every moment of the Orthodox wedding, in order, with the prayers in full: betrothal, rings, crowning, readings, the common cup and the procession.

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The short answer

An Orthodox wedding is two services in a row. In the Betrothal the rings are blessed and exchanged. In the Crowning the couple are crowned, hear the Epistle and the Gospel, drink from one cup and are led three times around the table at the centre of the church. Nobody says any vows, because in Orthodox understanding the marriage is made by God’s blessing rather than by a promise the couple make.

Almost everything written in English about Orthodox weddings describes them from the outside: a list of pretty customs, a note that the crowns are lovely, and an instruction to ask your priest. This page does the opposite. It walks through the service in order, says what is physically happening at each moment, and prints the prayers that are being said while it happens, so that a couple planning one, a guest attending one, or anyone curious about one can follow what is actually going on.

The service below is the Byzantine rite of Betrothal and Crowning, which is what every Eastern Orthodox church celebrates: Greek, Antiochian, Russian, Serbian, Romanian, Bulgarian, Ukrainian, Georgian and the Orthodox Church in America. The order does not change between them. Language, music, the shape of the crowns, who holds them, which days are available and what happens at the reception all do, and each jurisdiction has its own page for that.

One thing to set down before you start. This is a description, not a rubric, and it cannot make decisions for your parish. Where a real difference exists we name it; where the answer depends on a bishop, we say so. The priest who will celebrate your wedding is the authority on your wedding.

Contents

Twenty moments, in the order they happen

Jump to any of them. Each one says what is physically happening, prints the prayer said at that point, and notes where the practice differs between churches.

Where these prayers come from

Public domain. Quoted as printed, including the archaic forms. Most parishes today use a more recent translation, so the wording you hear will differ while the order of the service does not. Isabel F. Hapgood, Service Book of the Holy Orthodox-Catholic Apostolic Church (1906).

Ἀκολουθία τοῦ Ἀρραβῶνος

Part one: the Betrothal

The Orthodox wedding is two services celebrated one after the other. The first is the Betrothal, the older of the two, and for most of Christian history it was a separate event: a family made a binding promise, a ring was given, and the wedding itself followed months or years later. The Church attached its blessing to that promise, and the shape of that blessing is what is still said today.

The Betrothal begins at the back of the church, in the narthex or just inside the doors, for a reason that is easy to miss. The couple are not yet married, so they are not yet standing in the middle of the assembly. They will walk there in a moment, and the walk is part of the meaning. Many parishes now begin both services together at the centre; ask yours which it does, because it changes where your family should stand.

Nothing in this first part is a contract. There is no exchange of promises, no signing, no legal formula. The Church takes something the couple have already decided and asks God to hold it steady.

The couple come to the church and the rings go to the altar

What you see: The bride and groom stand together at the back of the church; the priest has already taken their two rings behind the icon screen and laid them on the holy table.

Before anything is said, the rings are carried into the sanctuary and placed on the altar, one beside the other. They stay there until the priest brings them out. It is a small piece of stagecraft that carries the whole argument of the service: the rings are not produced from a best man’s pocket at the right moment, they are fetched from the holiest place in the building, because what is about to happen is God’s business before it is the family’s.

The couple stand side by side, the man on the right and the woman on the left. That arrangement holds for the rest of the service, and it is why photographs of Orthodox weddings from anywhere in the world look alike.

In the older books the Betrothal happens immediately after the Divine Liturgy, and the marriage of two communicants was once celebrated inside it. The two services separated over the centuries, and today a wedding is almost always its own occasion, usually in the afternoon.

There is no processional in the Orthodox service and no walk down the aisle to music. Many parishes now allow one because families expect it. It is a courtesy, not a rite, and your priest decides.

They are blessed three times and given lit candles

What you see: The priest makes the sign of the cross over their heads three times, then puts a lit candle into each of their hands.

The candles are the first thing the couple are given, before any ring, and they hold them for nearly the whole service. They are not decoration and not a unity candle: there are two of them and they are never merged. They are the lamps of the wise virgins in the parable, carried by people who are expected to be ready when the bridegroom comes.

Holding a burning candle for forty-five minutes while wearing a wedding dress is a genuinely awkward thing to do, and that is part of why it registers. The couple spend their wedding with their hands full and occupied. Almost everything they do for the rest of the service, they do together and encumbered.

Deacon

Bless, Master.

Priest

Blessed is our God always, now, and ever, and unto ages of ages.

03Εἰρηνικά

The Church asks, out loud, for what a marriage needs

What you see: The deacon chants a long series of short petitions; after each one the choir answers “Lord, have mercy.”

This litany is the first place the service says plainly what it is asking for. It is worth reading slowly, because it is an unusually concrete list. It asks for children, for love that is sent down rather than generated, for one mind between them, for steadiness in faith, for a blameless life, and for an honourable marriage and an undefiled bed. Nothing about feelings, everything about a life.

Notice what is missing. There is no petition for happiness, for prosperity, or for the couple to be well suited to each other. The Church is not praying that this turns out to have been a good match. It is praying that two particular people are given what it takes.

From the Litany of Peace at the Betrothalsaid by the deacon

In peace let us pray to the Lord.
For the servant of God, N., and for the handmaid of God, N., who now plight each other their troth, and for their salvation.
That there may be granted unto them children for the continuation of their race, and all their petitions which are unto salvation.
That he will send down upon them perfect and peaceful love, and succour.
That he will preserve them in oneness of mind, and in steadfastness of faith.
That he will bless them with a blameless life.
That the Lord our God will grant unto them an honourable marriage, and a bed undefiled.
That he will deliver us from all tribulation, wrath, peril and necessity.

Choir

Lord, have mercy.

Two short prayers name what is being asked

What you see: The priest reads two prayers aloud; at the second the couple bow their heads.

The first prayer reaches back to Isaac and Rebecca and asks that these two be blessed in the same line. The second is four lines long and is the densest thing in the Betrothal: it sets a wedding inside the marriage of Christ and the Church, which is the image the Epistle will return to twenty minutes later.

Neither prayer says anything about the couple’s qualities. Both are addressed to God about what God has already done.

The first prayer of the Betrothalsaid by the priest

O eternal God, who hast brought into unity those who were sundered, and hast ordained for them an indissoluble bond of love; who didst bless Isaac and Rebecca, and didst make them heirs of thy promise: Bless also these thy servants, N. and N., guiding them unto every good work.
For thou art a merciful God, who lovest mankind, and unto thee do we ascribe glory, to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit, now, and ever, and unto ages of ages.

The second prayer, said over their bowed headssaid by the priest

O Lord our God, who hast espoused the Church as a pure Virgin from among the Gentiles: Bless this Betrothal, and unite and maintain these thy servants in peace and oneness of mind.
For unto thee are due all glory, honour and worship, to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit, now, and ever, and unto ages of ages.

The rings are blessed and put on the right hand

What you see: The priest takes the two rings, makes the sign of the cross over each of them with the other’s ring, says a short formula three times to each, and places the rings on their right hands.

Read that action again, because it is the point. The priest signs the man with the woman’s ring and the woman with the man’s ring. Each of them is blessed with the thing the other will wear. Only then are the rings put on.

They go on the right hand, not the left, in most Orthodox practice. The right hand is the hand of blessing and of swearing, the hand the sign of the cross is made with, and the hand Scripture keeps returning to when it speaks of God’s power. A couple in a Western country who want the rings on the left should simply ask; many priests will accommodate it and some will not.

The formula is passive. Nobody says “I take you.” The priest says that this one is betrothed to that one, and says it in the name of the Trinity, three times each. It is a statement about something being done to them.

Said three times to the man, then three times to the womansaid by the priest

The servant of God, N., is betrothed to the handmaid of God, N.: In the Name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.
The handmaid of God, N., is betrothed to the servant of God, N.: In the Name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.

Greek practice: The koumbaros or koumbara, the wedding sponsor, exchanges the rings three times between the couple’s hands after the priest has placed them. The sponsor does this, not the couple.
Slavic practice: The couple themselves exchange the rings, or the priest does it for them, and the witnesses stand behind holding the crowns ready.

A long prayer about every ring in the Bible

What you see: The rings are exchanged; the priest reads the longest prayer of the Betrothal.

This prayer is a catalogue. It begins with Abraham’s servant sent to find a wife for Isaac and recognising Rebecca at the well, and then it lists what rings have done in Scripture: Joseph given authority in Egypt with a ring, Daniel honoured in Babylon with one, Tamar’s innocence proved by one, and the prodigal son — whose father says put a ring on his hand and kill the fatted calf — restored by one.

That last example is the strange one and the best one. The ring in the parable of the prodigal son is not a wedding ring at all. It is what a father puts on a child who came home after wasting everything. The prayer puts it in a marriage service on purpose. A ring here means pledge, authority, vindication and welcome back, and the last of those is the one a long marriage will need most.

The prayer at the giving of the rings (abridged only where marked)said by the priest

O Lord our God, who didst accompany the servant of the patriarch Abraham into Mesopotamia, when he was sent to espouse a wife for his lord Isaac; and who, by means of the drawing of water, didst reveal unto him that he should betroth Rebecca: Do thou, the same Lord, bless also the betrothal of these thy servants, N. and N., and confirm the word which they have spoken. Establish them in the holy union which is from thee.
For thou, in the beginning, didst make them male and female, and by thee is the woman joined unto the man as a helpmeet, and for the procreation of the human race. Wherefore, O Lord our God, who hast sent forth thy truth upon thine inheritance, and thy covenant unto thy servants our fathers, even thine elect, from generation to generation: Look thou upon thy servant, N., and upon thy handmaid, N., and establish and make stable their betrothal in faith, and in oneness of mind, in truth and in love.
For thou, O Lord, hast declared that a pledge should be given and confirmed in all things. By a ring was power given unto Joseph in Egypt; by a ring was Daniel glorified in the land of Babylon; by a ring was the uprightness of Tamar revealed; by a ring did our heavenly Father show forth his bounty upon his Son; for he saith: Put a ring on his hand, and bring hither the fatted calf, and kill it, and eat, and make merry.
By thine own right hand, O Lord, didst thou arm Moses in the Red Sea; by the word of thy truth were the heavens established, and the foundations of the earth were made firm; and the right hands of thy servants shall be blessed also by thy mighty word, and by thine upraised arm. Wherefore, O Lord, do thou now bless this putting-on of rings with thy heavenly benediction: and let thine Angel go before them all the days of their life.
For thou art he who blesseth and sanctifieth all things, and unto thee do we ascribe glory, to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit, now, and ever, and unto ages of ages.

That is the end of the Betrothal. In an older world the couple would now go home and come back for the wedding, possibly a long time later. Today the priest simply turns and leads them to the middle of the church.

Ἀκολουθία τοῦ Στεφανώματος

Part two: the Crowning

The second service is the wedding itself, and in most Orthodox languages it is simply named after the crowns. Russians call a church wedding венчание, the crowning. Greeks call it στεφάνωμα, from στέφανος, a crown. Romanians say cununie, from the word for crown. Nobody in these languages says the equivalent of “exchanging vows”, because there are none to exchange.

That is the single most surprising fact about an Orthodox wedding for a Western visitor, and it is worth stating in the Church’s own words. The Orthodox Church in America puts it flatly: the sacrament of marriage “is not a juridical contract. It contains no vows or oaths.” Nobody says “I do” in the Greek books at all, and where a form of consent is asked — in the Slavic usage, and in the Hapgood text below — it is a question about freedom, asked before the service proper begins, not a promise made during it.

What replaces the vow is the crown. Two people are crowned, in public, by the Church, and the Church then asks God to receive those crowns into his kingdom. It is a much larger claim than a promise, and it is made about them rather than by them.

They are led to the centre of the church while Psalm 128 is sung

What you see: The priest goes before them with a censer; the couple follow, still holding their candles, to a small table in the middle of the church. A psalm is sung with a refrain after every line.

The table they walk to is called the analogion or the tetrapod. On it are the Gospel book, a hand cross, the crowns and the cup. For the rest of the service this table is the centre of the room and everyone faces it, including the couple. They will not face the congregation at any point.

The psalm sung on the way is the one the Church always sings at weddings, and it is not romantic. It is about a working man, a table, a vine, children and grandchildren, and peace on the city he lives in. The refrain after each line is “Glory to thee, O Lord our God, glory to thee.” The couple are walking into somebody else’s song about an ordinary household.

Psalm 128, sung as they come to the centresaid by the priest and choir

Blessed are all they that fear the Lord. All they who walk in his paths.
Thou shalt eat of the fruit of thy labours. O blessed art thou, and happy shalt thou be.
Thy wife shall be as the fruitful vine upon the walls of thine house. Thy children like a newly-planted olive-orchard round about thy table.
Lo, thus shall the man be blessed that feareth the Lord.
The Lord in Zion shall so bless thee, that thou shalt see the good things of Jerusalem all thy life long. Yea, that thou shalt see thy children’s children, and peace upon Israel.
Psalm 128, numbered 127 in the Greek Old Testament

“Blessed is the kingdom” — the wedding opens like a liturgy

What you see: The priest lifts his hand and gives the same opening blessing used at the Divine Liturgy, then another litany follows.

Only three services in Orthodox use open with the words “Blessed is the kingdom of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit”: the Divine Liturgy, Baptism, and this. It is the exclamation that announces a sacrament rather than a prayer service, and it places the wedding in the same category as the two things that make a Christian.

The litany that follows asks for exactly six things, and the first is the one the whole service keeps returning to: that God will bless this marriage as he blessed the one in Cana of Galilee.

Priest

Blessed is the kingdom of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit always, now, and ever, and unto ages of ages.

From the litany of the Crowningsaid by the deacon

For the servants of God, N. and N., who are now being united to each other in the community of marriage, and for their salvation.
That he will bless this marriage, as he blessed that in Cana of Galilee.
That he will grant unto them chastity, and of the fruit of the womb as is expedient for them.
That he will make them glad with the sight of sons and daughters.
That he will grant unto them the procreation of virtuous offspring, and an upright life.
That he will grant to them and to us all our petitions which are unto salvation.

Three long prayers put this marriage into a list of others

What you see: The priest reads three substantial prayers in a row. This is the longest continuous stretch of the service and the couple simply stand.

These three prayers are the theological core of the rite, and they work by naming couples. The first recalls Adam and Eve, Abraham and Sarah, Isaac and Rebecca, Jacob and Rachel, Joseph and Asenath, Zacharias and Elizabeth, and then Cana. The second does it again as a litany of blessing — bless them as you blessed these, preserve them as you preserved Noah, as you preserved Jonah, as you preserved the three young men in the furnace. The third is short and asks God to reach out his hand and join these two.

The effect of hearing the list is that the couple stop being the subject of the event. They are being added to something that was already running. Every name in the list belongs to a marriage that had famine, exile, barrenness, deception or a very long wait in it, which is not an accident.

The second prayer also stops to pray for the couple’s parents, with a line worth carrying out of the church: “for the prayers of parents make firm the foundations of houses.” It prays for the groomsman and bridesmaid too, by role. Nobody standing near the table is decorative.

The first prayer of the Crowningsaid by the priest

O God most pure, the Creator of every living thing, thou didst transform the rib of our forefather Adam into a wife, because of thy love towards mankind, and didst bless them, and say unto them: Increase, and multiply, and have dominion over the earth; and didst make of the twain one flesh: for which cause a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave unto his wife, and the two shall be one flesh: and what God hath joined together, that let no man put asunder.
Thou who didst bless thy servant Abraham, and opening the womb of Sarah didst make him to be the father of many nations; who didst give Isaac to Rebecca, and didst bless her in child-bearing; who didst join Jacob unto Rachel, and from that union didst make known the twelve Patriarchs; who didst unite Joseph and Asenath, giving unto them as the fruit of their procreation Ephraim and Manasses; who didst accept Zacharias and Elizabeth, and didst make their offspring to be the Forerunner; who, from the Root of Jesse according to the flesh, didst bud forth the ever-Virgin One, and wast incarnate of her; and wast born of her for the redemption of the human race; who, through thine unutterable gift and manifold goodness didst come to Cana of Galilee, and didst bless the marriage there, that thou mightest make manifest that it is thy will that there should be lawful marriage and the begetting of children:
Do thou, the same all-holy Master, accept the prayer of us thy servants. As thou wert present there, so likewise be thou present here, with thine invisible protection. Bless this marriage, and vouchsafe unto these thy servants, N. and N., a peaceful life, length of days, chastity, mutual love in the bond of peace, long-lived seed, gratitude from their posterity, a crown of glory which fadeth not away.
Graciously grant that they may behold their children’s children. Preserve their bed unassailed, and give them of the dew of heaven from on high, and of the fatness of the earth. Fill their houses with wheat, and wine, and oil, and with every beneficence, that they may bestow in turn upon the needy; granting also unto those who are here present with them all those petitions which are for their salvation.

From the second prayersaid by the priest

Bless them, O Lord our God, as thou didst bless Abraham and Sarah: Bless them, O Lord our God, as thou didst bless Isaac and Rebecca: Bless them, O Lord our God, as thou didst bless Jacob and all the patriarchs: Bless them, O Lord our God, as thou didst bless Joseph and Asenath: Bless them, O Lord our God, as thou didst bless Moses and Sepphora: Bless them, O Lord our God, as thou didst bless Joachim and Anna: Bless them, O Lord our God, as thou didst bless Zacharias and Elizabeth.
Preserve them, O Lord our God, as thou didst preserve Noah in the ark: Preserve them, O Lord our God, as thou didst preserve Jonah in the belly of the whale: Preserve them, O Lord our God, as thou didst preserve the three Holy Children from the fire, sending down upon them dew from heaven; and let that gladness come upon them which the blessed Helena had when she found the precious Cross.
Remember them, O Lord our God, and the parents who have nurtured them; for the prayers of parents make firm the foundations of houses. Remember, O Lord our God, thy servants the groomsman and the bridesmaid of the bridal pair, who are come together in this joy.
Grant them of the fruit of their bodies, fair children, concord of soul and of body: Exalt them like the cedars of Lebanon, like a luxuriant vine. Give them seed in number like unto the full ears of grain; that, having sufficiency in all things, they may abound in every work that is good and acceptable unto thee. And let them behold their children’s children, like a newly-planted olive-orchard, round about their table; that, obtaining favour in thy sight, they may shine like the stars of heaven, in thee, our God.

The third prayer, said immediately before the crowningsaid by the priest

O holy God, who didst create man out of the dust, and didst fashion his wife out of his rib, and didst yoke her unto him as a helpmeet; for it seemed good to thy majesty that man should not be alone upon earth: Do thou, the same Lord, stretch out now also thy hand from thy holy dwelling-place, and conjoin this thy servant, N., and this thy handmaid, N.; for by thee is the husband united unto the wife. Unite them in one mind: wed them into one flesh, granting unto them of the fruit of the body and the procreation of fair children.
For thine is the majesty, and thine are the kingdom and the power and the glory, of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, now, and ever, and unto ages of ages.

11Στεφάνωμα

They are crowned

What you see: The priest takes a crown, lifts it, makes the sign of the cross with it over the groom, and sets it on his head; then the same for the bride. He blesses them three times saying “O Lord our God, crown them with glory and honour.”

This is the moment. If you remember one thing about an Orthodox wedding, remember that the Church does not marry people by having them say anything; it marries them by putting crowns on them.

The crowns carry several meanings at once and the Church has never picked one. They are the crowns of a king and queen, because a new household is a small kingdom and these two now answer for it. They are the victor’s wreath, for people who have kept themselves for this. And they are the crowns of martyrs, which is the reading the Orthodox tradition returns to most often: the martyr’s crown is given for dying for love of someone else, and that is what the Church thinks it is asking of them.

Read the formula carefully. “The servant of God, N., is crowned unto the handmaid of God, N.” Unto. Each is crowned towards the other. Neither is crowned on their own account.

The crowns are not a metaphor the couple can decline. They are objects, they are heavy, they sit badly on modern hair, and the couple wear them in front of everyone they know for the next twenty minutes.

At the crowning of the bridegroom, then of the bridesaid by the priest

The servant of God, N., is crowned unto the handmaid of God, N.: In the Name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.
The handmaid of God, N., is crowned unto the servant of God, N.: In the Name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.

Then, blessing them, three timessaid by the priest

O Lord our God, crown them with glory and honour.

Greek and Antiochian practice: The crowns are στέφανα, stefana: two slender wreaths of metal, silk flowers or leaves, joined to each other by a white ribbon so that they cannot be separated. The koumbaros then exchanges them over the couple’s heads three times.
Russian, Ukrainian, Serbian, Bulgarian and Romanian practice: The crowns are large metal crowns modelled on imperial ones, often with an icon set into the front. Where they are too heavy or will not sit, the witnesses hold them above the couple’s heads for the rest of the service, which is why so many photographs show four people standing very close together.
Most of the Slavic churches: A man who has been married before and a woman who has not, or the reverse, may be crowned while the other is not, depending on the local rule. Ask the priest; this is decided case by case.

The crowns belong to the church, not to the couple, and they go back in the cupboard afterwards. A few parishes sell or lend stefana that the couple keep and hang in the icon corner at home.

The crowns are exchanged three times

What you see: The sponsor, or the priest, lifts both crowns and passes them across above the couple’s heads, three times.

Three exchanges, so that neither crown ends where it started. The honour of the one and the honour of the other have been deliberately mixed up. Whatever either of them is now, they are it together.

This is one of the clearest places where the sponsor is not an ornament. In Greek practice the koumbaros does the exchanging, and everyone watching understands that this person is taking on a permanent relationship to the marriage, not performing a duty for an afternoon.

“Thou hast set upon their heads crowns of precious stones”

What you see: A reader chants a short verse with a response, immediately after the crowning.

The verse is from Psalm 21, which is a psalm about a king. It is sung over two people who have just been crowned, and it is the hinge between the crowning and the readings.

The Prokeimenon, in Tone 8said by the reader

Thou hast set upon their heads crowns of precious stones; they asked life of thee, and thou gavest it them.
Verse: For thou wilt give them thy blessing for ever and ever: thou wilt make them to rejoice with gladness through thy presence.
Psalm 21:3–6

The Epistle: Ephesians 5

What you see: A reader chants a passage from St Paul. The couple stand crowned and listen.

This reading is the same at every Orthodox wedding and no couple chooses it. It is also the passage most likely to make a modern guest wince, so it is worth being precise about what it says and what it does not.

The paragraph opens with a general instruction to everybody — “submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God” — and only then addresses wives and husbands in turn. The command given to the husband is not to rule; it is to love his wife as Christ loved the Church “and gave himself for it”. The model held up to him is somebody who died. Any reading of this passage that ends with a husband entitled to obedience and owing nothing has stopped reading halfway through the sentence.

It also needs saying plainly: nothing in this text licenses coercion, intimidation, financial control or violence, and no priest should ever be asked to pretend otherwise. If that is what a marriage has become, the passage is being used as a weapon against the thing it describes.

Ephesians 5:20–33said by the reader

Brethren: Give thanks always for all things unto God and the Father, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ; submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the Saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.
Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; that he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, that he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives, as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: for we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.
For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless, let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself: and the wife see that she reverence her husband.
Ephesians 5:20–33

The Gospel: the wedding at Cana

What you see: Everyone stands. The priest reads from the Gospel book on the table in front of the couple.

The Gospel is always John 2:1–11, the wedding at Cana, and by this point in the service you will have heard Cana named four or five times already. It is the reading the whole rite is built around.

Consider what actually happens in it. Christ is a guest at somebody else’s wedding. He is not officiating and nobody consults him. The wine runs out, which is an ordinary, humiliating, domestic disaster, and his mother tells him about it. He turns six stone jars of washing water into the best wine of the evening, and the man running the party complains that somebody has served the good stuff late.

The Church did not pick this passage because it is about weddings. It picked it because the first miracle recorded in John’s Gospel is Christ quietly rescuing a household party from embarrassment, and because the sign is that what comes later is better than what came first.

John 2:1–11said by the priest

And the third day there was a marriage in Cana of Galilee; and the mother of Jesus was there. And both Jesus was called, and his disciples, to the marriage. And when they wanted wine, the mother of Jesus saith unto him, They have no wine. Jesus saith unto her, Woman, what have I to do with thee? mine hour is not yet come. His mother saith unto the servants, Whatsoever he saith unto you, do it.
And there were set there six water-pots of stone, after the manner of the purifying of the Jews, containing two or three firkins apiece. Jesus saith unto them, Fill the water-pots with water. And they filled them up to the brim. And he saith unto them, Draw out now, and bear unto the governor of the feast. And they bare it.
When the ruler of the feast had tasted the water that was made wine, and knew not whence it was (but the servants which drew the water knew), the governor of the feast called the bridegroom, and saith unto him, Every man at the beginning doth set forth good wine; and when men have well drunk, then that which is worse: but thou hast kept the good wine until now.
This beginning of miracles did Jesus in Cana of Galilee, and manifested forth his glory; and his disciples believed on him.
John 2:1–11

A final litany and the Lord’s Prayer

What you see: More petitions, then the whole congregation says the Our Father aloud.

The petitions here ask for the plainest things in the service: a day that is peaceful and sinless, an angel to guard them, forgiveness, and a Christian ending to life that is painless, blameless and peaceful. A wedding service asks God for a good death. That is not morbid; it is the same instinct that puts martyrs’ crowns on their heads.

Then everybody present says the Lord’s Prayer together. It is the one moment in the service when the guests are not spectators.

Deacon

A day all-perfect, holy, peaceful and sinless.
An Angel of Peace, the faithful guide and guardian both of our souls and bodies.
The forgiveness and remission of our sins and transgressions.
All things which are good and profitable to our souls, and peace to the world.
That we may pass the residue of our life in peace and penitence.
A Christian ending to our life, painless, blameless, peaceful; and a good defence before the dread Judgment Seat of Christ.

They drink from one cup, three times each

What you see: A single cup of wine is brought and blessed. The priest gives it to the man, then to the woman, then again, then again.

One cup. Not two glasses touched together, and not a cup each. The priest holds it and gives it to each of them three times in turn, and they drink from the same rim.

The prayer over it is unexpectedly cosmic for such a small action — it is addressed to the God who made fast the round world — and then asks for a blessing on this particular cup for these two people. What follows in ordinary life is the interpretation: one household, one income, one set of troubles, one table. Whatever is in the cup, both of them are drinking it.

One caution, because guests get this wrong constantly and it matters. The common cup at a wedding today is blessed wine; it is not Holy Communion. The rite once ended with the couple receiving the Presanctified Gifts, and the cup is the survival of that, but in current practice the two are not the same thing and nobody should tell a visitor that they have just watched Communion. What the parish does about the couple actually receiving Communion — usually at the Liturgy that morning or the Sunday before — is for the priest to say.

The prayer at the blessing of the common cupsaid by the priest

O God, who hast created all things by thy might, and hast made fast the round world, and adornest the crown of all things which thou hast made: Bless now, with thy spiritual blessing, this common cup, which thou dost give to those who are now united for a community of marriage.
For blessed is thy Name, and glorified is thy kingdom, of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, now, and ever, and unto ages of ages.

18Ἡσαΐα χόρευε

The Dance of Isaiah: three circles around the table

What you see: The priest takes their joined hands and leads them around the table three times while three hymns are sung. The sponsors follow, holding the crowns steady.

This is the first thing the couple do as a married couple, and they do it following a priest around a table in a circle. It is usually called the Dance of Isaiah, from the first word of the first hymn. Despite the name, nobody dances: it is a slow, slightly crowded procession, and the couple are bound at the hand, crowned, holding candles and trying not to tread on a train.

Look at what is at the centre of the circle. The Gospel book and the cross are on that table, and everything the couple do for the next three circuits is done around them. It is a diagram of a marriage and it does not need explaining.

The three hymns are chosen with some nerve. The first is a Nativity hymn about the Virgin bearing Emmanuel — sung at a wedding because the marriage the Church has in mind produces something. The second addresses the holy martyrs who “fought the good fight and have received your crowns”, sung directly over two people who are, at that moment, wearing crowns. The third is a doxology to Christ. Guests sometimes find the martyr hymn jarring. It is meant to be heard.

Three circuits, because almost everything in Orthodox worship is done three times, and because a circle has no end.

The first hymn, Tone 5said by the choir

Rejoice, O Isaiah! A Virgin is with child, and shall bear a Son, Emmanuel, both God and man: and Orient is his name; whom magnifying we call the Virgin blessed.

The second hymn, Tone 7said by the choir

O Holy Martyrs, who fought the good fight and have received your crowns: Entreat ye the Lord that he will have mercy on our souls.

The third hymnsaid by the choir

Glory to thee, O Christ our God, the Apostles’ boast, the Martyrs’ joy, whose preaching was the Consubstantial Trinity.

The crowns are taken off, one at a time, with a blessing for each

What you see: The priest lifts the groom’s crown and says a short blessing, then the bride’s, with a different one.

The two blessings are worth hearing side by side, because they are parallel and neither is an afterthought. He is told to be exalted like Abraham, blessed like Isaac, and to multiply like Jacob. She is told to be exalted like Sarah, to exult like Rebecca, and to multiply like Rachel. Six of the same patriarchs and matriarchs from the long prayers, now handed out one each.

In the oldest practice the crowns were not removed here at all. The couple wore them for eight days and came back to the church to have them taken off, and the service book still contains the prayer for that eighth day. Almost nowhere does this now, but the prayer survives in print, and it explains why the removal has its own small rite instead of somebody simply lifting the crown off.

Taking the crown of the bridegroomsaid by the priest

Be thou exalted, O Bridegroom, like unto Abraham; and be thou blessed, like unto Isaac; and do thou multiply like unto Jacob, walking in peace, and keeping the commandments of God in righteousness.

Taking the crown of the bridesaid by the priest

And thou, O Bride: Be thou exalted like unto Sarah; and exult thou, like unto Rebecca; and do thou multiply, like unto Rachel: and rejoice thou in thy husband, fulfilling the conditions of the law: for so is it well-pleasing unto God.

The prayer for the removal of the crowns on the eighth day, now rarely usedsaid by the priest

O Lord our God, who hast blessed the crown of the year, and permittest these crowns to be laid upon those who are united to one another by the law of marriage, and thus grantest unto them, as it were a reward of chastity; for they are pure who are united in the marriage which thou hast made lawful: Do thou bless also in the removal of these crowns those who have been united to one another, and preserve their union indissoluble; that they may evermore give thanks unto thine all-holy Name.

The final prayers, the blessing and the dismissal

What you see: Two more prayers, a long final blessing naming several saints, and then it is over.

The last prayer asks God to receive their crowns into his kingdom, “preserving them spotless, blameless, and without reproach, unto ages of ages.” The crowns are not a souvenir of the day; they are something the Church expects to see again.

The dismissal names Constantine and Helen, who are remembered in Orthodoxy as a crowned pair, and the Great Martyr Procopius, who in his life is said to have encouraged Christian women facing martyrdom. Crowns again, and martyrs again, at the very last sentence.

There is no “you may kiss the bride.” The Hapgood rubric says only that the people come and congratulate them and that they kiss each other. In most parishes the couple venerate the icons and the cross, the priest gives them the cross to kiss, and the congregation comes forward. Many traditions then give the couple icons of Christ and of the Mother of God to carry home — the first two things that go into the new household.

The prayer over the crownssaid by the priest

O God, our God, who didst come to Cana of Galilee, and didst bless there the marriage feast: Bless, also, these thy servants, who through thy good providence are now united together in wedlock. Bless their goings out and their comings in: replenish their life with good things: receive their crowns into thy kingdom, preserving them spotless, blameless, and without reproach, unto ages of ages.

The blessing over their bowed headssaid by the priest

May the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit, the all-holy, consubstantial and life-giving Trinity, one Godhead, and one Kingdom, bless you; and grant unto you length of days, fair children, prosperity of life, and faith: and fill you with all abundance of earthly good things, and make you worthy to obtain the blessings of the promise: through the prayers of the holy Birth-giver of God, and of all the Saints. Amen.

The dismissalsaid by the priest

May he who by his presence at the marriage feast in Cana of Galilee did declare marriage to be an honourable estate, Christ our true God; through the prayers of his all-holy Mother; of the holy, glorious and all-laudable Apostles; of the holy, God-crowned Kings and Saints-equal-to-the-Apostles Constantine and Helena; of the holy Great Martyr Procopius; and of all the Saints, have mercy upon you and save you: for he is good, and loveth mankind.

What is not there

Six things an Orthodox wedding does not contain

It is worth naming the absences early, because nearly every surprise a Western guest has at an Orthodox wedding is about something that is not there.

There are no vows: Nobody says “I take you” or “for better, for worse”. The Orthodox Church in America states it plainly: the sacrament of marriage “is not a juridical contract. It contains no vows or oaths.” In the Slavic usage the priest asks each of them beforehand whether they are here freely and whether they have promised themselves to anyone else, and that is a canonical check rather than a promise. Couples sometimes ask to write their own vows. There is nowhere in the service to put them.
Nobody gives the bride away: There is no moment at which a father hands his daughter to her husband, because the service is not a transfer. In the prayers both sets of parents are prayed for together, in one line, and the same blessings are asked for the bride and the groom in parallel.
There is no “you may kiss the bride”: The service ends with a blessing and a dismissal. The couple venerate the cross and the icons, the congregation comes forward to greet them, and in many places they are handed icons of Christ and of the Mother of God to carry home. A kiss on cue for the photographer is an import.
The common cup is not Holy Communion: The couple drink blessed wine from one cup. In the early Church the rite ended with the couple receiving the Eucharist together, and the common cup is what survives of that; the OCA still describes marriage as fulfilled by the couple receiving communion together. But in current practice the wedding cup and Holy Communion are two different things, and a guest should not be told they have just watched Communion.
There is no unity candle: Each of them holds a lit candle, and the two candles are never merged. Two lamps, kept burning, carried by two people.
There is no officiant’s licence to improvise: The readings are fixed at Ephesians 5 and John 2 and no couple chooses them. The prayers are fixed. The hymns are fixed. What a couple decides is the parish, the date, the sponsor, the music where music is optional, and everything that happens after they leave the building.

The calendar

When an Orthodox wedding cannot be held

An Orthodox wedding cannot be held on any date you like, and this is the single most common planning shock. The Church’s year, not the venue’s calendar, decides which Saturdays exist. Weddings are not celebrated during the fasting seasons or on the strict fast days, because a fast and a wedding feast contradict each other.

Every jurisdiction applies this calendar slightly differently, and a bishop can dispense. Ask the parish for its own list before you put a deposit on anything.

Great Lent and Holy Week: The longest closure, running from the Monday of the first week of Lent through Great and Holy Saturday. Because Pascha moves, so does this: in some years it takes most of March and April out, in others most of April and part of May.
The Nativity Fast: Fifteenth of November through the twenty-fourth of December in the churches that keep it in full, which takes out the whole run-up to Christmas. Some jurisdictions are more permissive in the earlier part of it than the later; the days immediately before the Nativity are closed everywhere.
The Dormition Fast: The first through the fourteenth of August. Two weeks removed from the height of the summer wedding season, which catches a great many couples by surprise.
The Apostles’ Fast: Begins the Monday after All Saints Sunday and runs to the feast of Saints Peter and Paul on the twenty-ninth of June. Its length changes every year with the date of Pascha, and in a late-Pascha year it can be very short.
The strict fast days that fall on their own: The Eve of Theophany on the fifth of January, the Beheading of St John the Baptist on the twenty-ninth of August, and the Elevation of the Cross on the fourteenth of September. Each closes its own date, and each lands in what is otherwise open season.
The weekly pattern, in the Slavic churches: Weddings are traditionally not celebrated on the eves of fast days and of the Liturgy, which in practice removes Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday evenings. Sunday, Monday, Wednesday and Friday are the usual days. This rule is applied strictly in some parishes and loosely in others.
Pascha itself and the days around it: Bright Week, the week following Pascha, is closed in most jurisdictions even though it is a fast-free week, because the whole week is one feast. Great feasts and their eves are usually closed too.

By church

The same rite, celebrated eleven ways

The order of the service does not change between the Eastern Orthodox churches. Language, crowns, sponsors, closed dates and customs all do, and each church has its own page for what it does differently.

Greek
The Greek Orthodox wedding service
What happens at a Greek Orthodox wedding: stefana, the koumbaros, the closed dates, what the Archdiocese requires and which customs belong to the reception.
- Sponsor: Koumbaros, or koumbara
- Crowns: Stefana, joined by a ribbon
- Calendar: Revised Julian for fixed feasts, the Orthodox reckoning for Pascha
Read the guide
Antiochian
The Antiochian Orthodox wedding service
The Antiochian Orthodox wedding: what is said in English, the role of the sponsor, the zaffe, closed dates and what the Archdiocese asks of a couple.
- Sponsor: The sponsor, often called the koumbaros or the eshbeen
- Crowns: Wreaths or metal crowns, depending on the parish
- Calendar: Revised Julian for fixed feasts, the Orthodox reckoning for Pascha
Read the guide
OCA
The Orthodox Church in America wedding service
The wedding service in the Orthodox Church in America: English, metal crowns, what the OCA teaches about marriage and what a parish asks of a couple.
- Sponsor: The witnesses, or sponsors
- Crowns: Metal crowns, parish property
- Calendar: Mostly Revised Julian, with a real Julian minority
Read the guide
Russian
The Russian Orthodox wedding service
The Russian Orthodox wedding: venchanie, the questions of consent, crowns held by witnesses, the Julian calendar and which days are closed.
- Sponsor: Svideteli, the witnesses
- Crowns: Imperial metal crowns, held above the head
- Calendar: The Julian calendar, thirteen days behind the civil one
Read the guide
Serbian
The Serbian Orthodox wedding service
The Serbian Orthodox wedding: the kum and kumstvo, the old calendar, the slava a bride takes on, and what a parish asks before it sets a date.
- Sponsor: Kum, or kuma
- Crowns: Metal crowns, often red and gold
- Calendar: The Julian calendar throughout
Read the guide
Romanian
The Romanian Orthodox wedding service
The Romanian Orthodox wedding: the nași, the civil ceremony first, the calendar, and the customs that belong to the party rather than the church.
- Sponsor: Nașii — the nun and the naș together
- Crowns: Cununii — metal crowns, sometimes wreaths
- Calendar: Revised Julian for fixed feasts, the Orthodox reckoning for Pascha
Read the guide
Ukrainian
The Ukrainian Orthodox wedding service
The Ukrainian Orthodox wedding: the rushnyk, the korovai, the parental blessing, and a calendar that changed in living memory.
- Sponsor: Boyaryn and druzhka, or the witnesses
- Crowns: Metal crowns, and a vinok before them
- Calendar: In transition — the New Julian calendar since 2023, unevenly applied
Read the guide
Bulgarian
The Bulgarian Orthodox wedding service
The Bulgarian Orthodox wedding: the kum, the new calendar, the bread and honey at the door, and what a parish asks before it books a date.
- Sponsor: Kum and kuma
- Crowns: Metal crowns, held by the kum and kuma
- Calendar: Revised Julian for fixed feasts since 1968
Read the guide
Georgian
The Georgian Orthodox wedding service
The Georgian Orthodox wedding: jvrisckera, the old calendar, Georgian polyphonic chant, and finding a parish outside Georgia.
- Sponsor: Mak’ari, the crown-holder
- Crowns: Metal crowns, held above the head
- Calendar: The Julian calendar throughout
Read the guide

A different rite

The Oriental Orthodox churches

Coptic, Armenian, Syriac, Ethiopian, Eritrean and Indian Orthodox Christians are Oriental Orthodox. Those churches have not been in communion with the Eastern Orthodox churches since 451, and their wedding services are genuinely different rather than translated. These pages say what actually happens instead.

Coptic
The Coptic Orthodox wedding service
The Coptic Orthodox wedding: the engagement and the crowning, anointing and robes, the long fasts, and why this is a different rite entirely.
- Sponsor: The eshbeen and eshbeena
- Crowns: Crowns worn, over robes
- Calendar: The Coptic calendar, with the Nativity on the seventh of January
Read the guide
Armenian
The Armenian Apostolic wedding service
The Armenian Apostolic wedding: the psak, the narod cord, the kavor, the fasts that close a date, and why this is a separate rite.
- Sponsor: Kavor, and kavorkin
- Crowns: Crowns, and the narod cord
- Calendar: The Gregorian calendar, with the Nativity and Theophany together on the sixth of January
Read the guide

For guests

If you have been invited to one

If you have been invited to an Orthodox wedding and have never been to one, this is the short version.

It is short: The two services together usually run forty-five minutes to an hour. There is no sermon in most places and no hymn-singing by the congregation apart from the Lord’s Prayer.
You will stand for a lot of it: Many Orthodox churches have limited seating by design. There will be chairs or pews for those who need them. Nobody will mind if you sit.
Nobody will tell you when to stand or sit: There is no order of service handed out in most parishes and no one directing the congregation. Watch the people in front of you. If you get it wrong, nothing happens.
Dress modestly rather than formally: Shoulders and knees covered is the general expectation for everyone; it is a church, not a venue. Some parishes expect women to cover their heads and most do not. If you are unsure, ask whoever invited you.
Do not applaud or call out: The crowning is not a punchline and the procession is not an entrance. Applause during the service reads as a mistake in almost every Orthodox parish. Save it for the reception, where you will find there is a great deal of it.
Photography is the priest’s decision: Some parishes allow a photographer anywhere, some restrict them to the back, some forbid flash, and a few forbid photography altogether. This is settled in advance between the couple and the priest, and it is not negotiable on the day.
You are not expected to receive anything: The couple drink from the cup; nobody else does. If Communion is being distributed at a wedding held within the Liturgy, it is for Orthodox communicants who have prepared, and a visitor should not go forward.

Questions

Good to know

All guides

How long is an Orthodox wedding ceremony?

The Betrothal and the Crowning together normally take forty-five minutes to an hour. A wedding celebrated within the Divine Liturgy, which is rare today, takes longer. There is no sermon in most parishes, and the length comes from the number of prayers rather than from anything being drawn out.

Are there vows in an Orthodox wedding?

No. The Orthodox Church in America puts it directly: the sacrament of marriage is not a juridical contract and contains no vows or oaths. In the Slavic usage the priest asks each of them beforehand whether their will is free and unconstrained and whether they have promised themselves to anyone else; that is a canonical question asked before the service proper, not a vow. Couples cannot write their own.

Why are the crowns used, and what do they mean?

The Church has never reduced them to one meaning. They are royal crowns, because a household is a small kingdom that these two now answer for; they are victors’ wreaths; and they are martyrs’ crowns, which is the reading the tradition returns to most, because a martyr’s crown is given for laying down your life for love of someone else. The formula is “the servant of God is crowned unto the handmaid of God” — each is crowned towards the other.

Can a non-Orthodox Christian be married in an Orthodox church?

Often, but not automatically. The general rule across the Eastern Orthodox churches is that an Orthodox Christian may be married in church to a baptised Christian of another confession, with the local bishop’s permission and usually on condition that children are baptised and raised Orthodox. A marriage to someone who is not baptised is not celebrated as an Orthodox sacrament. The answer depends on the jurisdiction, the diocese and the particular case, so ask the priest early rather than assuming either way.

Which days can you not have an Orthodox wedding?

Weddings are not celebrated during the fasting seasons: Great Lent and Holy Week, the Nativity Fast, the Dormition Fast from the first to the fourteenth of August, and the Apostles’ Fast. They are also not celebrated on the strict fast days that stand alone — the Eve of Theophany on the fifth of January, the Beheading of St John the Baptist on the twenty-ninth of August, and the Elevation of the Cross on the fourteenth of September — nor usually during Bright Week or on great feasts and their eves. Slavic parishes also avoid Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday. Confirm the exact list with the parish.

Why do Orthodox couples wear wedding rings on the right hand?

The right hand is the hand of blessing in Scripture and in Orthodox practice: it is the hand the sign of the cross is made with, and the hand the prayers keep naming when they speak of God arming Moses or establishing the heavens. The Betrothal places both rings on the right hand. Couples living in countries where the left hand is the convention often ask to move them, and many priests are content with that.

Is the wine in the common cup Holy Communion?

No, not in current practice. It is wine blessed at that point in the service. The rite once concluded with the couple receiving the Eucharist together and the common cup is the survival of that older shape, which is why the connection is often described loosely. Whether and when the couple receive Communion around their wedding is for their priest to arrange.

What is the Dance of Isaiah?

It is the procession at the end of the service. The priest takes the couple’s joined hands and leads them three times around the table at the centre of the church while three hymns are sung, the first of which begins “Rejoice, O Isaiah”. Nobody dances. It is the first thing the couple do as a married couple, and they do it walking behind the Gospel book.

Does the Orthodox wedding service differ between Greek, Russian and other churches?

The order of the service is the same in every Eastern Orthodox church. What differs is language, music, the shape of the crowns and who holds them, whether the questions of consent are asked, which days the jurisdiction keeps closed, what the wedding sponsor is called and does, and the customs around the service rather than in it. The Oriental Orthodox churches — Coptic, Armenian, Ethiopian and the rest — are not in communion with the Eastern Orthodox churches and celebrate genuinely different rites.

Keep exploring

Reviewed: 2026-09-30 · Editorial standards

Sources: Orthodox Church in America — Marriage, in The Orthodox Faith · Orthodox Church in America — Fasting and fast-free seasons of the Church · Isabel F. Hapgood, Service Book of the Holy Orthodox-Catholic Apostolic Church (1906)

This page is a description of the service and does not replace the direction of the priest who will celebrate your wedding.

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