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The Coptic Orthodox wedding service

A Coptic wedding is not the Byzantine service in another language. It is the Alexandrian rite: an engagement service first, then a crowning in which the couple are anointed with oil and vested in robes as well as crowns.

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What is different here

The same rite, celebrated this way

The Coptic Orthodox Church of Alexandria, one of the Oriental Orthodox churches. This church is Oriental Orthodox and is not in communion with the Eastern Orthodox churches.

Start with the thing most English-language writing gets wrong. The Coptic Orthodox Church is not an Eastern Orthodox church. The Oriental Orthodox churches — Coptic, Armenian, Syriac, Ethiopian, Eritrean and Indian — separated from the rest at the Council of Chalcedon in 451 over the formula for describing Christ’s natures, and they are not in communion with the Greek, Russian or Antiochian churches today, whatever the shared word Orthodox suggests. A Coptic wedding is therefore not a translation of the service described elsewhere on this site. It is the Alexandrian rite, and it has its own shape.

There are two services, normally on different days. The first is the engagement, which Copts commonly call the melka: a blessing of the couple and of the rings in the presence of both families, and in Egyptian practice the point at which the engagement becomes public and serious rather than private. It is a church service, not a party, although a party follows.

The second is the Crowning, the iklil. Its distinctive features are an anointing and a vesting. The priest anoints the couple with holy oil, tracing the sign of the cross on the forehead and the wrists, in a gesture that has no counterpart in the Byzantine wedding at all. The couple are then vested: over their wedding clothes they are given robes or capes, and crowns are placed on their heads, and they wear both for the rest of the service. The readings are fuller than in the Byzantine rite — a Pauline epistle, a Catholic epistle, a reading from the Acts of the Apostles and a Gospel, which is the ordinary Coptic pattern for any major service — and the whole thing is longer.

What a Coptic wedding shares with the Byzantine one is the underlying idea: crowns placed by the Church, prayers rather than promises, and a marriage understood as something God does rather than something the couple contract. The furniture is different; the argument is the same.

  • The eshbeen and eshbeena

    The groom’s and the bride’s attendants, standing with them through the service. The role is closer to a best man and a maid of honour than to the Greek koumbaros, in that it does not ordinarily create a permanent quasi-kinship, and it does not carry the crown-holding duty that the Byzantine traditions give their sponsors, since Coptic crowns are worn rather than held. Families nevertheless choose with care, and the expectation is that the attendants are practising members of the Church.

  • Crowns worn, over robes

    Coptic crowns are placed on the heads and stay there, and they are accompanied by robes or capes that the couple are vested in during the service. The combined effect is much more visibly regal than a pair of Greek wreaths, and it is deliberate: the couple are being dressed as well as crowned. The specific style of crown and robe varies by diocese and by church, and it is worth asking to see what your church uses, because it affects everything a photographer plans.

  • The language of the service

    Three languages, usually in the same service. Coptic is the last stage of the Egyptian language, written in a Greek-derived alphabet, and it survives liturgically rather than conversationally; Arabic carries most of what is said aloud; English is used extensively in North American, Australian and British churches, where the second generation is now the majority. A wedding in a diaspora church will normally be intelligible to an English-speaking guest, with the Coptic hymns left in Coptic, as they are everywhere.

  • The Coptic calendar, with the Nativity on the seventh of January

    The Coptic Church keeps its own ancient calendar, whose year begins in September and whose months carry Egyptian names. The Nativity falls on 29 Koiak, which corresponds to the seventh of January by civil reckoning, so Coptic and Russian Christians share a Christmas date while arriving at it by entirely different routes. Coptic Easter is calculated on the same basis as Orthodox Pascha and normally falls on the same Sunday, which means that Coptic and Eastern Orthodox families usually celebrate Easter together even though their churches are not in communion.

The calendar

When a wedding cannot be held

This is where Coptic practice differs from everything else on this site, and it is the first thing a couple should look at. The Coptic Church keeps more fasting days than any other apostolic church — well over two hundred in an ordinary year — and weddings are not celebrated during them. The available dates are correspondingly few.

Every list of closed dates is applied by a parish priest, and a bishop can dispense. Treat this as the shape of the year, not as your parish’s answer.

The Great Fast
Coptic Lent runs to fifty-five days, longer than the Byzantine Great Lent, because a preparatory week and Holy Week are counted with it. It is the largest single closure in the year.
The Nativity Fast
Forty-three days before the Nativity, so from late November until the sixth of January. Neither Christmas nor the New Year is available.
The Fast of the Apostles
Variable in length, running from the Monday after Pentecost to the feast of Saints Peter and Paul, and sometimes very long in an early-Easter year.
The Fast of the Virgin Mary
Fifteen days in August, ending at the Feast of the Assumption. The same fortnight the Byzantine churches keep, kept for the same reason.
The Fast of Nineveh, and the weekly fast
Three days in the run-up to Lent, and Wednesdays and Fridays through most of the year. The weekly fast does not usually decide a wedding date, but it is part of why the Coptic year has so little open space in it.

Before the date

What has to be arranged first

The Coptic Church is more restrictive about who may marry in it than the Eastern Orthodox churches are, and a couple should establish the position honestly at the first meeting rather than working towards it. The diocese, not the internet, is the authority.

Both parties ordinarily Coptic Orthodox
The general expectation is that a Coptic Orthodox wedding joins two members of the Coptic Orthodox Church. Where one party belongs to another church, the usual path is reception into the Coptic Church before the marriage rather than a dispensation to marry across the line. This is a real difference from Greek or Antiochian practice and it should not be discovered late.
No marriage to a non-Christian
Not permitted, and there is no process for seeking an exception.
Divorce and remarriage are narrowly limited
The Coptic Church permits remarriage in church on considerably narrower grounds than the Eastern Orthodox churches do, and an ecclesiastical decision is required. If either of you has been married before, this is the conversation to have first, before a date, a venue or an announcement.
Preparation with the priest, and often with the diocese
Coptic dioceses generally run structured premarital preparation, sometimes over several months and sometimes in groups. It is not a formality.
Documents and the civil licence
Baptismal records from the church of baptism, and the state marriage licence signed by the priest. Records from Egypt are obtainable through the diocese but take time.

Around the service

Customs a guest will actually meet

None of these is part of the rite. They belong to the families, the diaspora and the reception, and they are what makes one Orthodox wedding feel unlike another.

  • The zaffa

    A drummed procession that escorts the couple, with hand drums, a mizmar, singing and a great deal of volume, bringing them from the church to the reception or into the hall. It is the most recognisable Egyptian wedding custom there is, it is entirely outside the service, and it is usually the moment the whole evening turns on.

  • Zaghareet

    The ululation you will hear from the women, at the door of the church and again at the reception. It is celebration and it is a skill; the guests who can still do it well are usually the oldest people present.

  • Mabrouk, and the reply

    Congratulations, said to the couple and to both sets of parents, with the answer Allah ybarek feek — God bless you. A guest who learns the exchange will be met more warmly than one who learns nothing else.

  • A long engagement period with a church beginning

    Because the engagement itself is a church service rather than a private decision, a Coptic engagement is publicly binding in a way a Western one is not, and the period between the melka and the iklil is understood as a real stage of the relationship with its own expectations.

  • Sharbat

    A sweet rose-coloured drink served to guests at the engagement and the wedding. It is not optional, it is not subtle, and it is the taste that most Coptic adults associate with somebody getting married.

The service itself

How this rite compares

Coptic Orthodox weddings follow their own rite rather than the Byzantine one, so the walkthrough on our main page describes a different service. It is still the most useful comparison available in English, and the underlying idea — crowns placed by the Church, prayers rather than vows — is shared.

Read the Byzantine service in full

The Oriental Orthodox churches separated from the rest of the Church at the Council of Chalcedon in 451 and are not in communion with the Eastern Orthodox churches. Their wedding services are not translations of the Byzantine rite and should not be planned from a description of it. Your own parish is the authority on your own wedding, and in this case there is no near substitute for asking.

Questions

Good to know

All Orthodox wedding guides

Is the Coptic Orthodox Church the same as the Greek or Russian Orthodox Church?

No. The Coptic Church is Oriental Orthodox, not Eastern Orthodox, and the two families of churches have not been in communion since the Council of Chalcedon in 451. They share a great deal — apostolic orders, the sacraments, monasticism, iconography, long fasts — but they are distinct communions with distinct rites, and a Coptic wedding is not the Byzantine service translated.

What happens at a Coptic Orthodox wedding?

There are two services. The engagement, often called the melka, blesses the couple and the rings before both families. The Crowning, the iklil, includes an anointing with holy oil on the forehead and wrists, a vesting of the couple in robes, the placing of crowns which are then worn for the rest of the service, and a full set of readings — a Pauline epistle, a Catholic epistle, a reading from Acts and a Gospel.

Can a Coptic Orthodox Christian marry someone from another church?

The Coptic Church is considerably more restrictive here than the Eastern Orthodox churches. The ordinary expectation is that both parties are Coptic Orthodox, and where one is not, the usual path is reception into the Church before the marriage rather than permission to marry across the line. Marriage to someone who is not Christian is not permitted. Ask the priest and the diocese at the very beginning.

When do Copts celebrate Christmas?

On 29 Koiak in the Coptic calendar, which corresponds to the seventh of January. Coptic Easter is calculated on the same basis as Orthodox Pascha and usually falls on the same Sunday, so Coptic and Eastern Orthodox families generally share Easter even though their churches are not in communion.

Why are there so few dates available for a Coptic wedding?

Because the Coptic Church keeps more fasting days than any other apostolic church — a Great Fast of fifty-five days, a Nativity Fast of forty-three, the Apostles’ Fast, fifteen days in August for the Virgin Mary, the Fast of Nineveh and most Wednesdays and Fridays — and weddings are not celebrated during any of them. Ask the church for its list of open dates before you plan anything else.

What is the zaffa?

The drummed procession that escorts the couple into the reception, with hand drums, a mizmar, singing and dancing. It belongs to Egyptian wedding culture rather than to the Church, it happens outside the service, and Coptic, Muslim and Antiochian Christian weddings in Egypt and the Levant all have their own version of it.

Keep exploring

Related guides

Church: The Coptic Orthodox Church of Alexandria, one of the Oriental Orthodox churches

Reviewed: · Editorial standards

Sources: Coptic Orthodox Diocese of Los Angeles · Coptic Orthodox Church — Diocese of the Southern United States

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