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The Serbian Orthodox wedding service

A Serbian wedding is venčanje, and its distinguishing feature is not the service but the kum: a sponsor whose relationship to the family is hereditary, permanent, and in Serbian eyes closer than blood.

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What is different here

The same rite, celebrated this way

The Serbian Orthodox Church, with three dioceses in the United States and Canada.

The service is the Slavic form of the rite, so the questions of consent are asked, the crowns are metal, and the kum stands behind holding them. A Serbian priest generally moves at an unhurried pace and the whole thing runs to about forty-five minutes.

What is distinctive is what surrounds it. A Serbian wedding is usually the second half of a day that began somewhere else: the groom’s party comes to collect the bride from her family’s house, there is negotiation at the gate that is theatre but not entirely theatre, and the party arrives at the church already at full volume. The service is the still point in the middle of a loud day, and the contrast is intentional.

Church Slavonic in the Serbian recension carries most parishes, with Serbian and English varying by congregation. Serbian chant is its own tradition, notated in the nineteenth century and sung in harmony, and it sounds nothing like Byzantine chant or like Russian choral singing.

  • Kum, or kuma

    Said koom

    This is the thing to understand about a Serbian wedding. The kum holds the crowns, but the relationship, kumstvo, is not created on the day and does not end with it. In many families it is inherited: the same family has been kum to the other family for generations, baptising each other’s children and standing at each other’s weddings, and the tie is treated as a kinship so close that marriage between the two families is regarded as out of the question. Nobody appoints a kum the way a couple picks a best man. Either you have one already, in which case the question does not arise, or you are creating a bond that your grandchildren will still be observing. Be careful how you use the word in front of a Serbian family; it is not a synonym for witness.

  • Metal crowns, often red and gold

    Serbian parishes use closed metal crowns, frequently with red velvet or enamel set into the band and a cross on top, and they sit on a tray beside the blessing cross before the service. They are held above the couple by the kum and kuma for the readings, the cup and the procession. They belong to the parish. Where a village church has an old pair, the family will tell you how many generations have been crowned with them, and in a community as continuous as this one that is often a real number rather than a flourish.

  • The language of the service

    Serbian Church Slavonic for the fixed parts, Serbian for the sermon and the greetings, and English in proportion to how long the parish has been in North America. The three American dioceses span communities that arrived before the First World War and communities that arrived in the nineteen-nineties, and the language balance follows that history closely. A couple with American guests should ask for the Epistle and Gospel in English; it is a normal request and no parish will find it odd.

  • The Julian calendar throughout

    The Serbian Church keeps the old calendar, so the Nativity is on the seventh of January by civil reckoning and every fixed feast sits thirteen days later than its Western counterpart. Two practical effects for a wedding. The Nativity Fast runs into January, so the entire Western holiday season is closed. And because the slava — the family’s patron saint day, of which more below — is also on the old calendar, a couple planning around family feasts has to work from the church calendar rather than from anything they can look up casually.

The calendar

When a wedding cannot be held

Serbian practice follows the Slavic pattern, and a parish priest is the person who applies it. The one distinctly Serbian complication is not a fast at all.

Every list of closed dates is applied by a parish priest, and a bishop can dispense. Treat this as the shape of the year, not as your parish’s answer.

The four fasting seasons, on the old calendar
Great Lent and Holy Week, the Nativity Fast running to the sixth of January, the Apostles’ Fast, and the Dormition Fast which on the Julian reckoning falls in the second half of August rather than the first.
Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday
Observed in most Serbian parishes, as in Russian ones, which pushes weddings towards Sunday. In North America some parishes have relaxed this for practical reasons and others have not.
The family slava
Not a canonical prohibition but a real constraint. A family does not hold a wedding on or immediately around its own slava, and with two families involved that is two dates to work around before you start.
The standalone fast days
The Beheading of St John the Baptist and the Elevation of the Cross, which on the Julian calendar fall on the eleventh and twenty-seventh of September.

Before the date

What has to be arranged first

The three American dioceses each have their own chancery procedure. The priest handles it; the couple’s job is to start early enough that he can.

Baptismal records from both parties
Serbian parishes are careful about records, partly because so many families have documents from churches in a country whose borders and archives have moved several times. If the parish of baptism no longer exists or is unreachable, say so at the first meeting rather than the last.
The kum, and his standing
The kum must be an Orthodox Christian. Where an existing kumstvo runs between the families, the priest will expect it to be honoured, and proposing someone else can be a genuine family matter rather than a preference.
Permission for a marriage to a baptised non-Orthodox Christian
Granted by the diocesan bishop on the usual terms. A marriage where one party is unbaptised is not celebrated sacramentally.
An ecclesiastical divorce where there was a previous church marriage
Issued by the ecclesiastical court of the diocese. It is a formal process and it does not move at the speed of a wedding plan.
The civil licence, signed by the priest
As elsewhere in North America. Bring it to the parish in advance.

Around the service

Customs a guest will actually meet

None of these is part of the rite. They belong to the families, the diaspora and the reception, and they are what makes one Orthodox wedding feel unlike another.

  • The bride takes her husband’s slava

    Every Serbian family keeps one saint’s day as the household feast, inherited down the male line, with its own bread and wheat and a priest coming to bless them. When a woman marries she joins her husband’s slava. Nobody tells a bride this at the church; she has usually known it since childhood. For a non-Serbian marrying in, it is the single most important custom to understand, because it is the one that recurs every year for the rest of your life.

  • The barjaktar and the flag

    A standard-bearer, often the groom’s cousin, carries a decorated flag at the head of the procession from the bride’s house. In some regions there is shooting into the air, and in North America there is a strong parish preference that there is not.

  • The apple on the roof

    At the bride’s house, before the party sets off, the groom’s side may be challenged to knock an apple from the roof or a pole. It is a test, it is watched closely, and the man who does it is remembered. Like the gate negotiation, it is a game that everybody takes slightly more seriously than they admit.

  • Kolo

    The circle dance that will occupy the reception. It is open, it takes anyone, and a guest who does not know the steps is expected to join anyway and be taught by whoever is holding their hand. Refusing is the only real error available.

  • Živeli

    The toast. It means “may you live”, and it is shouted rather than said. It will be shouted a great many times.

The service itself

Read it moment by moment, with the prayers

Serbian Orthodox parishes celebrate the Betrothal and the Crowning in the order below. Every moment is set out in full on the main page, with the prayer said at that point printed underneath it.

The full service, with every prayer

Questions

Good to know

All Orthodox wedding guides

What is a kum at a Serbian wedding?

The kum is the wedding sponsor, and in Serbian culture the relationship, kumstvo, is treated as a permanent kinship rather than a role for a day. It is frequently hereditary between two families across generations, it usually carries the baptism of the couple’s children with it, and the two families regard themselves as too closely related to intermarry. Choosing one where none exists is a serious step.

What is a slava and does it affect a wedding?

The slava is the feast of the saint a Serbian household keeps, inherited through the father’s line and marked every year with a blessed bread and boiled wheat. A bride joins her husband’s slava when she marries. For wedding planning it matters twice: the two families’ slava dates are kept clear, and a spouse marrying into a Serbian family is joining an annual obligation, not a one-off.

Does the Serbian Orthodox Church use the old calendar?

Yes, the Julian calendar, throughout. The Nativity falls on the seventh of January by civil reckoning and every fixed feast is thirteen days later than its Western equivalent. This closes the whole Western holiday period for weddings and shifts the Dormition Fast into the second half of August.

Can a Serbian Orthodox wedding be held on a Saturday?

In many parishes, no. Serbian practice generally follows the Slavic avoidance of Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays, which makes Sunday the usual day. Some North American parishes have relaxed it; ask yours before assuming the weekend shape a venue expects.

Can someone who is not Serbian marry in a Serbian Orthodox church?

Yes. What is required is that one party is an Orthodox Christian in good standing and that the other is a baptised Christian, with the bishop’s permission for a mixed marriage. Serbian ancestry has nothing to do with it. The customs around the day are family customs, and a family will usually be delighted to explain them.

How long before the wedding should we approach the parish?

At least six months, and longer if an ecclesiastical divorce or records from a parish abroad are involved. The old calendar, the weekly rule and two families’ slava dates together remove a great deal of the year, so the date is the constraint and everything else should be planned around it.

Keep exploring

Related guides

Church: The Serbian Orthodox Church, with three dioceses in the United States and Canada

Reviewed: · Editorial standards

Sources: Serbian Orthodox Church · Serbian Orthodox Diocese of Eastern America · St Sava Serbian Orthodox School of Theology, Libertyville

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