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Armenian Apostolic dating and marriage: a practical guide

How the Armenian Apostolic Church fits among the Oriental Orthodox, what the crowning rite involves, the role of the kavor, and dating across sees and dialects.

By Orthodate Editorial14 minute read

The Armenian Apostolic Church is one of the Oriental Orthodox churches. It is not in communion with the Eastern Orthodox churches or with Rome, it keeps the Nativity and Theophany together on the sixth of January, its wedding service is a crowning presided over by the couple and their kavor, and in the diaspora it is divided between two historic sees whose difference is felt socially long before it is felt theologically. If you are Armenian and dating, or dating an Armenian, these are the things that actually come up. This guide covers them, and marks clearly where the answer belongs to a parish priest rather than to an article.

At a glance

Key takeaways

  • The Armenian Apostolic Church belongs to the Oriental Orthodox family, so a marriage with an Eastern Orthodox or a Roman Catholic Christian is an interchurch marriage needing permission from both sides rather than a straightforward same-church wedding.
  • Diaspora Armenian life is organised around two historic sees, Holy Etchmiadzin and the Great House of Cilicia, and around Eastern and Western Armenian dialects, so a couple should learn each other’s parish, dialect and family history early.
  • The Armenian wedding is a crowning, the kavor is a lifelong role rather than a wedding-day title, and the Nativity and Theophany are kept together on the sixth of January, which reshapes the whole December calendar for a mixed household.

1. Where the Armenian Church sits among the churches

The Armenian Apostolic Church traces its foundation to the apostles Thaddeus and Bartholomew and its establishment as the church of the Armenian nation to the beginning of the fourth century. It is one of the six Oriental Orthodox churches, alongside the Coptic, Ethiopian, Eritrean, Syriac and Indian traditions, and it did not accept the Council of Chalcedon in 451.

What that means practically is straightforward. Armenians are not in eucharistic communion with the Eastern Orthodox churches, despite sharing the name Orthodox, much of the same iconography and a great deal of common heritage. Theological dialogue between the two families has been warm for decades, and many theologians consider the ancient dispute to have been largely about language, but the division has not been formally resolved and no couple should plan a wedding on the assumption that it has been.

For a dating couple the consequence is a question rather than an obstacle. An Armenian marrying a Greek, Russian, Serbian or Antiochian Orthodox Christian is entering an interchurch marriage. It is permitted in most cases, it requires clergy on both sides to be consulted, and it raises the same real questions about where the wedding happens, where the children are baptised and which parish the family attends on a normal Sunday.

2. Two sees, and why it matters socially

The Armenian Church has two catholicosates. The Mother See of Holy Etchmiadzin in Armenia is the senior see, headed by the Catholicos of All Armenians. The Catholicosate of the Great House of Cilicia, now based in Antelias in Lebanon, is an ancient see with its own jurisdiction. There are also the historic Patriarchates of Constantinople and Jerusalem.

In North America this produces two parallel structures. The Eastern and Western Dioceses are under Etchmiadzin; the Eastern and Western Prelacies are under Cilicia. The same city may have parishes of both, sometimes a few miles apart, each with its own school, youth organisation and calendar of events.

The theological difference between them is negligible. The social and political history behind the division is not, and it is bound up with twentieth-century Armenian politics in ways that still shape which building a family attends and which organisations they support. Many younger Armenians move freely between them; some families do not.

If you are dating an Armenian, ask which parish and which structure their family belongs to, and ask it as a neutral question about where they grew up rather than as a test. If you are Armenian and dating another Armenian from the other side, have the conversation before the wedding is being planned, because the choice of church is also, for some families, the choice of a community.

3. Eastern and Western Armenian are not interchangeable

Armenian has two standard modern forms. Western Armenian is the language of the historic communities of Anatolia and of most of the older diaspora in the United States, France and the Middle East. Eastern Armenian is the language of the Republic of Armenia and of more recent arrivals, including many from Iran and Russia. They are mutually intelligible with effort, and they differ in pronunciation, spelling conventions and everyday vocabulary enough to mark where someone’s family comes from within a sentence or two.

The liturgical language is Classical Armenian, called Grabar, which neither group speaks at home. Parish life will usually add English, and in some parishes Russian or Arabic as well.

For a couple this is worth naming openly. A Western Armenian family whose grandparents survived the genocide and a family that arrived from Yerevan in the 1990s have different histories, different politics and sometimes different assumptions about what being Armenian means. Neither is more authentically Armenian than the other, and saying so plainly early on spares a great deal of quiet friction later.

4. The sixth of January, and the rest of the calendar

The Armenian Church keeps the Nativity and the Theophany as a single feast on the sixth of January, preserving the older order in which the birth and baptism of Christ were celebrated together. The Armenian Patriarchate of Jerusalem, which follows the Julian calendar, keeps the same feast on what is the nineteenth of January on the civil calendar.

This reorganises December for any mixed household. There is no Armenian Christmas on the twenty-fifth, the fast runs up to the sixth of January, and the celebration that most colleagues and neighbours have already finished is only beginning. Couples in a mixed marriage often end up keeping both, and that works well as long as it was a decision rather than a drift.

The Armenian calendar also carries feasts that are distinctly its own. Trndez, on the eve of the Presentation in February, is the one every couple hears about: a bonfire is blessed outside the church, and newly married and newly engaged couples traditionally leap over it together. It is precisely the kind of occasion worth attending early in a relationship, because it tells you more about a family and a parish in an evening than a month of conversation would.

Fasting in the Armenian tradition has its own shape and is generally more extensive than the Eastern Orthodox pattern, including the Fast of the Catechumens before the Nativity and a week of fasting before several major feasts. Ask the parish rather than assuming the rules you know from another tradition.

5. The crowning, the kavor and the narod

The Armenian marriage service is a crowning, and the Armenian word for a wedding, psak, simply means crown. The rite normally has a betrothal section followed by the crowning itself, with the couple’s hands joined, the crowns placed, a shared cup and readings.

The central supporting figure is the kavor, sometimes rendered as godfather of the wedding. He stands with the couple, traditionally holds a cross above them during parts of the service, and is understood to take on a continuing responsibility for the marriage afterwards. In many families the kavor is expected to be an Armenian Apostolic Christian in good standing, and the choice carries real weight, so make it early and ask the parish what it requires rather than treating it as a decorative honour.

A feature many guests notice is the narod, a twisted red and green cord blessed by the priest and placed around the couple. Red and green carry the symbolism of sacrifice and new life, and the cord is usually kept afterwards. Practice around it varies by region and by family.

None of these details should be taken as a national uniform. Armenian custom varies between Cilicia and Etchmiadzin parishes, between Middle Eastern and Republic of Armenia families, and between one village tradition and the next. Ask the couple’s own priest and the couple’s own grandmothers, in that order, and expect two slightly different answers.

6. Marrying a non-Armenian, and marrying out of the Church

Marriage to a baptised Christian from another church is generally possible with the permission of the appropriate Armenian authority, and the practical arrangements resemble any other interchurch marriage: one ceremony, agreed in advance, in one of the two churches, with both clergymen informed. Marriage to someone who is not baptised is a different question and is usually not celebrated in the Armenian Church; if this is your situation, raise it at the first meeting rather than the tenth.

Family expectations deserve their own honesty. In parts of the diaspora, marrying a non-Armenian still carries a weight of anxiety that has less to do with theology than with survival: a community that lost most of its historic homeland in 1915 has spent a century keeping a language and a church alive through families. Understanding that makes a parent’s reaction legible even when it is unfair, and it is a far better starting point than treating the objection as simple prejudice.

That understanding is not a licence for anyone to be treated badly. A non-Armenian partner who is willing to learn the language, attend the parish and raise children in the tradition has offered a great deal, and should be received accordingly. The conversation that works is usually about what the couple will actually do, in specifics, rather than about whether the relationship should exist.

7. History in the room: genocide, Artsakh and what not to say

Armenian identity is inseparable from the memory of the 1915 genocide, commemorated every year on the twenty-fourth of April, and in recent years from the displacement of the Armenian population of Nagorno-Karabakh. These are not historical topics in an Armenian family; they are living ones, and they are often present at a first dinner without being mentioned.

If you are not Armenian, the useful posture is to learn before you ask, to take what you are told seriously, and to avoid the two common errors: treating the subject as an interesting curiosity, or avoiding it so carefully that your partner has to carry it alone. Attending the April commemoration at their parish once will teach you more than any reading.

If you are Armenian and your partner is not, decide what you want from them here. Some people want their partner to share the grief fully; others want a household where it is not the only subject. Both are legitimate, and saying which you want is kinder than expecting it to be guessed.

8. Where Armenian Christians actually meet

The Armenian diaspora is concentrated: Los Angeles and Glendale above all, then the New York and New Jersey area, Boston, Detroit, Fresno, Chicago, Toronto and Montreal, with substantial communities in France, Lebanon, Russia and the Republic of Armenia itself. Outside those centres, the parish may be small and the dating pool smaller still, which makes travel and online introductions more important rather than less.

The institutions matter more here than in most traditions. Parish youth groups, the Armenian Church Youth Organization of America in Eastern Diocese parishes, the language schools, the scouting and athletic organisations, the summer camps and the university student associations are where most Armenian couples have met for three generations. They are also, usefully, places where you can be seen over months rather than evaluated in an evening.

If you are outside a centre, be realistic and be systematic. Decide the distance you will genuinely travel, look at where the nearest parishes actually are, and combine online introductions with a small number of real trips to a place where the community is dense. That combination works; waiting for the right person to appear in a town with no Armenian parish does not.

Work out the Armenian questions early

Work through this together in one sitting. It is designed for two cases at once: an Armenian couple from different sees or dialects, and an Armenian with a non-Armenian partner. Most of these answers are cheap to obtain now and expensive to discover during an engagement, and several of them belong to a priest rather than to either of you.

  1. Step 1

    Map both families’ church and community

    Write down, for each of you, which parish your family attends, whether it is under Etchmiadzin or Cilicia, which dialect is spoken at home, and which organisations the family is involved in. Add where the family came from and when they arrived. Do this as a factual exercise rather than a debate. For a couple from opposite structures, this page is the entire conversation you will otherwise have to improvise in front of relatives, and having it written down makes the eventual choice of a wedding church a decision rather than a defeat for one side.

  2. Step 2

    Settle the December and January calendar

    Decide now what your Nativity looks like. Will you keep the sixth of January, the twenty-fifth of December, or both, and what does each family expect? Write down what happens on the eve, which services you attend, whose house you are at and what the fast looks like in the weeks before. If one of you is from another tradition, do the same for their calendar and compare. Then look ahead in the year to Trndez, Easter, the April commemoration and the parish feast day, and put them in a shared calendar so neither family has to remind you.

  3. Step 3

    Ask the priest the three questions that decide the wedding

    Make an appointment with the priest of the parish you expect to marry in, and take three questions. Will this marriage be blessed here, and what permission is needed? Who may serve as kavor, and what is expected of him afterwards? And which dates in the year are available, given the fasts. If the other partner is Eastern Orthodox or Roman Catholic, ask the same three questions at their church as well, and ask both clergymen whether they are comfortable with one ceremony at which the other is present as a guest.

  4. Step 4

    Name the history you are both carrying

    Have one unhurried conversation about family history: what happened to each family, what is commemorated, what is still painful and what is never discussed at the table. If one of you is not Armenian, ask what your partner wants from you about the twenty-fourth of April and about Artsakh, and say plainly what you can offer. If both of you are Armenian but from different political inheritances, say so now. This is not a conversation to have in front of relatives for the first time, and the couples who have it privately first find family dinners very much easier.

  5. Step 5

    Decide the language plan for children before it becomes urgent

    If either of you speaks Armenian, decide whether children will learn it, which form, and who will do the teaching. Be concrete: Saturday school, grandparents, a home rule about which language is spoken at meals, summer visits. If neither of you speaks it fluently, decide honestly whether that is a loss you intend to repair or accept. Families that leave this unspoken usually default to English and then feel the loss a decade later, so it is far better to choose deliberately, whichever way you choose.

Common questions

Is the Armenian Apostolic Church Orthodox?

It is Oriental Orthodox, one of six churches that did not accept the Council of Chalcedon in 451. It shares the name Orthodox with the Eastern Orthodox churches but is not in communion with them, so a marriage between the two families is an interchurch marriage.

Can an Armenian Apostolic Christian marry a Greek or Russian Orthodox Christian?

In most cases yes, with permission from both sides and a single ceremony agreed in advance. Because the two churches are not in communion, both clergymen must be consulted early and the couple should settle where children will be baptised before the wedding.

When do Armenians celebrate Christmas?

On the sixth of January, keeping the Nativity and Theophany as one feast in the older order. The Armenian Patriarchate of Jerusalem follows the Julian calendar and keeps the same feast on what is the nineteenth of January on the civil calendar.

What is a kavor at an Armenian wedding?

The kavor is the wedding sponsor, sometimes called the godfather of the marriage. He stands with the couple during the crowning, traditionally holds a cross above them, and takes on a continuing responsibility for the marriage. Many parishes expect him to be an Armenian Apostolic Christian in good standing.

What is the difference between Etchmiadzin and Cilicia parishes?

They are two historic catholicosates with parallel structures in the diaspora. The theological difference is negligible; the division reflects twentieth-century Armenian history and still shapes which parish, school and organisations a family belongs to.

What is the red and green cord at an Armenian wedding?

It is the narod, a twisted cord blessed by the priest and placed around the couple, with red and green carrying the symbolism of sacrifice and new life. Couples usually keep it afterwards, and the details of its use vary by region and family.

Do Armenians fast like Greek or Russian Orthodox Christians?

No. The Armenian Church has its own fasting calendar, generally more extensive, including a fast before the Nativity on the sixth of January and weeks of fasting before several major feasts. Ask the parish rather than applying rules learned in another tradition.

How do Armenian families usually react to a non-Armenian partner?

Reactions vary widely and often reflect a community anxiety about continuity after 1915 rather than personal hostility. The conversations that go best are specific: which parish you will attend, how children will be raised, and whether the non-Armenian partner intends to learn the language.

Sources and further reading

Pastoral practice can vary by diocese and jurisdiction. For questions about your circumstances, speak with the priest responsible for your pastoral care.