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Valentine’s Day for Orthodox Christians: what the Church’s calendar says and how to keep the day well

What Orthodox Christians can make of Valentine’s Day: the saints named Valentine in the Church calendar, fasting, and date ideas that honour faith.

By Orthodate Editorial14 minute read

Every February the shops fill with hearts, restaurants offer set menus, and Orthodox Christians who are dating, engaged or single are asked a question that they often have not thought about: should we mark this day, and if so, how? The honest answer is that Valentine’s Day as it is celebrated in the West, with cards, flowers and dinner, is a civil and commercial custom and not a feast of the Orthodox Church. It is also not forbidden, and there is nothing in the Church’s teaching that prevents a couple from taking the occasion to tell one another that they are loved. This guide sets out what the Orthodox calendar actually contains about saints named Valentine, how the date relates to the fasting year, which Orthodox saints are better patrons of love and marriage, and how a couple, or a single person, can keep the day in a way that is warm, modest and consistent with their faith.

At a glance

Key takeaways

  • Valentine’s Day on 14 February is not a feast of the Orthodox Church, but the OCA’s calendar commemorates two holy men named Valentine, a bishop of Interamna on 30 July and a presbyter among the martyrs at Rome on 6 July, and their lives are about faith, healing and martyrdom, not romance.
  • Because Orthodox Pascha falls no earlier than 4 April in the civil calendar this century, Great Lent cannot begin before 15 February, so 14 February never falls within Great Lent itself, though in some years it falls in the pre-Lenten weeks or on a Wednesday or Friday, which are ordinary fast days.
  • A couple can keep the day well by treating it as a small, sincere occasion for gratitude and attention, such as a modest dinner, a letter, a visit to Vespers or an act of service, while singles can use it to appreciate friends and family and to avoid the pressure that the commercial version creates.

1. Do Orthodox Christians celebrate Valentine’s Day?

The Orthodox Church does not have a feast of Valentine’s Day. The occasion of cards, gifts and romantic dinners on 14 February belongs to Western custom, and it has become a civil holiday and a commercial season in many countries. The Orthodox liturgical year is organised around feasts of the Lord, the Mother of God and the saints, and around fasting seasons, and a romantic holiday has no place in it.

That does not make the day sinful or the observance of it a matter of conscience for most Orthodox Christians. Telling a person you love that you love them, and doing something thoughtful for them, is in keeping with the Church’s understanding of marriage and of Christian love. What the Church asks of its members is that the occasion not become an end in itself. It should not displace prayer, charity or the ordering of the Church’s year. It should not pressure people into commitments they are not ready for. And it should not be treated as an excuse for behaviour that the Church would not bless on any other day.

Many Orthodox couples, particularly those from cultures where the day is not widely observed, mark it lightly or not at all. Others, especially in North America, take it as a pleasant opportunity. All of these are acceptable. The rest of this guide is for those who would like to keep it thoughtfully.

2. The saints named Valentine in the Orthodox calendar

There is more than one Valentine in the Church’s memory, and the Orthodox calendar does not place any of them on 14 February.

The Orthodox Church in America commemorates the Hieromartyr Valentine, Bishop of Interamna (modern Terni, in Umbria, Italy), on 30 July. According to the OCA’s account, he lived in the third century and received from God the gift of healing various maladies. He prayed through the night for the sick son of a man named Craton, and the household came to believe in Christ and were baptised, as were Craton’s students Proculus, Ephebus and Apollonius, who became his disciples. His fame spread and many were converted, among them Abundius, the son of the city prefect, who openly confessed himself a Christian at a time when Christianity was persecuted. The commemoration is of the bishop and those with him.

A second Valentine, a presbyter, is named in the OCA’s calendar on 6 July among the martyrs at Rome who suffered with Marinus, his wife Martha and their sons during the reign of Claudius II (268 to 270). These are the holy men whose memory the Church actually keeps.

Neither account concerns romantic love. They are narratives of healing, conversion and martyrdom. The stories that connect a Valentine with letters, cards or lovers belong to later Western traditions and are not part of the Orthodox lives of these saints. A parish that marks one of the Valentines’ days in July is remembering a bishop and a priest who gave their lives for Christ, which is a different thing from a day of flowers.

It may seem a small point, but it is useful. An Orthodox Christian who is asked why he or she does not make much of 14 February can say, accurately, that the Church’s Valentines are July saints, and that the day is not part of the liturgical year.

3. What the Church does remember on 14 February

The OCA’s calendar for 14 February contains, among others, the repose of Saint Cyril, Equal of the Apostles and Teacher of the Slavs. Cyril, whose name in the monastic schema was Constantine, and his older brother Methodius were born in the city of Thessalonica. Together they are remembered for bringing the Gospel and the services of the Church to the Slavic peoples in a language they could understand.

This is a useful association for a couple, and it can give the day a different tone. Cyril and Methodius are saints of translation, of making holy things intelligible to ordinary people. A couple who read Scripture together, who learn to explain themselves to one another patiently, or who work at understanding each other’s family language and customs, might find a quiet patron in them. The OCA calendar for the day also names the Venerable Auxentius of Bithynia and the Venerable Isaac the Recluse of the Kiev Caves.

None of this requires you to change what you do. It adds a possible thought for the day, that the Church’s memory for 14 February is of two brothers who spent their lives making the faith understood, and that a good marriage involves a great deal of the same effort.

4. Where 14 February sits in the fasting year

Orthodox Christians are used to thinking of Lent as an early-spring season, and a person planning a dinner on 14 February may wonder whether it falls in it. The answer can be worked out from the date of Pascha.

Great Lent begins on Clean Monday, forty-eight days before Pascha. In the civil calendar, Orthodox Pascha falls no earlier than 4 April and no later than 8 May throughout this century. Forty-eight days before 4 April is 15 February in an ordinary year, or 16 February in a leap year. This means that Clean Monday can never come before 15 February, and 14 February cannot fall within Great Lent itself.

It can, however, fall in the weeks before it. The Lenten Triodion begins about ten weeks before Pascha, and the weeks that follow include the Sunday of the Last Judgment and, after it, a week in which meat is set aside before the strict fast begins. In the years when Pascha is early, 14 February can fall in that period. In every year, it is also possible for it to land on a Wednesday or Friday, which the OCA’s outline of the Church’s fasts describes as days of fasting, except during the fast-free periods.

In practice, this means you should check your parish calendar for the year. A couple who keep the fasts may decide to plan a meal that respects the day, with a restaurant that offers a fasting menu or a dinner cooked at home. Fasting food is often excellent, and a candle-lit meal of good vegetable dishes and a little wine, where the day allows it, is no hardship. If the day falls in a stricter period, you can simply move the celebration to a nearby day. Nothing in the Church’s teaching requires a particular evening, and a couple who choose to postpone a dinner by a few days for the sake of the fast are showing one another that they take their shared faith seriously.

5. Saints who are better patrons of love and marriage

If you would like to turn to a saint on this occasion, the Church offers several who are more directly connected with marriage than any Valentine. The OCA calendar commemorates, among others, the following.

  • Saints Peter and Fevronia of Murom, on 25 June. A husband and wife whose life together is remembered in the Russian Church as a model of faithfulness, and who are often invoked by couples preparing to marry.
  • Saints Adrian and Natalia, on 26 August. A husband and wife remembered together in the Church’s calendar, Adrian as a martyr for Christ, and a reminder that faith can be shared in a marriage even under pressure.
  • Saints Joachim and Anna, on 9 September. The righteous parents of the Mother of God, honoured as the Church’s image of a faithful, prayerful marriage.

6. How a couple can keep the day well

A thoughtful couple does not need much. The point of an occasion like this is to give one another attention, and that can be done simply. These are suggestions, not rules.

  • Begin with prayer. A short prayer together, perhaps for one another and for the people you love, sets the evening in the right frame. If you can attend Vespers or the Liturgy near the day, that is even better.
  • Write a letter. A handwritten note that says what you have noticed in the other person over the past year, and what you are grateful for, is worth more than anything bought. It is also free of the pressure to compete with other people’s displays.
  • Cook or choose something simple, and honour the calendar. A modest meal at home, with candles and an icon on the table, is a good date. If you go out, choose a quiet place.
  • Do something for someone else together. Take dinner to an elderly parishioner, volunteer at a food pantry or visit a person who is alone. Shared service is the best expression of the kind of love the Church has in mind.
  • Keep the gifts modest. The commercial pressure of the day is considerable, and a couple who agree in advance to keep it small avoid a great deal of tension. A book, a plant, an icon or a candle is sufficient.
  • Keep to your boundaries. The day should not be a reason to move faster in the relationship than you have agreed. A couple who are keeping the Church’s teaching on chastity and physical affection should talk about the evening in advance, and plan it in a way that supports those commitments.
  • Resist labelling. Some people treat the day as a deadline for defining the relationship. A conversation about exclusivity or commitment is better held at a calmer time, when neither feels pushed.

7. New relationships, long-distance couples and engaged couples

The day lands differently at different stages, and it helps to adjust.

If you have been dating for only a few weeks, keep it light. A coffee, a walk, a shared meal with friends or a short message is enough. A grand gesture can create expectations that neither of you is ready for, and it can embarrass the other person. A simple card or a kind word is usually safest.

If you are in a long-distance relationship, plan a video call and perhaps a small package. Send a letter by post, which will feel more significant than a message. The guide to long-distance relationships has other suggestions, including how to protect your time together.

If you are engaged, you have more room. The day can be an occasion to talk about the wedding, the home you are preparing and the life you hope to share. You might use it to pray together for your priest and your sponsors, or to go together to the parish to speak with the priest about preparation.

If you are married, it is also yours. Many couples find that a quiet evening, free of children and distraction, does the marriage good, whatever the date.

8. If you are single on 14 February

For people who are not in a relationship, the day can be difficult. The shops, the advertisements and the social media posts all suggest that being single is an absence, and it is natural to feel it.

It helps to remember that the Church does not regard the single life as a lesser or a waiting state. It honours people who are called to marriage and those called to other forms of service, and a single person who prays, works and loves well is living a full Christian life. The guide on the single life while hoping for marriage speaks to the feelings that arise.

Practical suggestions follow from that. Spend time with friends and family whose company you value, and tell them so. Write to a godparent, a teacher or a person who helped you in the faith. Do something for someone who is lonely. Go to Vespers. Take a long walk. If you are using Orthodate, you may find that a quiet evening is a good time to look at a few profiles properly, but there is no need to treat the day as a deadline. A relationship found in a hurry because of a date on the calendar rarely lasts.

If the day is painful, say so to someone you trust, and to your priest if appropriate. It is not unspiritual to feel lonely. It is a human experience that the Church understands, and honest conversation often relieves it.

A Valentine’s evening that fits the Church year

This plan is one way to keep the day, suitable for a couple at any stage. Adjust it for your situation and your parish calendar.

  1. Step 1

    Check the calendar

    Look up whether 14 February this year falls on a Wednesday or Friday, or in a pre-Lenten week, and decide together whether to keep the fast on the day or move the meal by a day or two.

  2. Step 2

    Choose one act of service

    Agree on a small thing you will do for someone else in the week of the day, such as a meal for an elderly parishioner, a donation to a food pantry or an hour at a parish work day.

  3. Step 3

    Plan a simple meal

    Cook something good together, with fasting dishes if the calendar asks for them, and set the table with a candle and an icon. Phones away.

  4. Step 4

    Write one letter each

    Before the meal, each of you writes a short note naming three things you are grateful for in the other, and what you hope for the coming year. Read them aloud, or exchange them.

  5. Step 5

    Close with a prayer

    Finish by praying together, for each other, for your families and for the Church. If you are not yet engaged, pray for clarity and patience. If you are, pray for your preparation.

Common questions

Do Orthodox Christians celebrate Valentine’s Day?

It is not a feast of the Orthodox Church, and many Orthodox Christians mark it lightly or not at all. It is a Western civil and commercial custom. Nothing in the Church’s teaching forbids a couple from using it as an occasion to express love and gratitude, provided that they do so with modesty and in keeping with the Church’s teaching on chastity.

Is there an Orthodox Saint Valentine?

Yes, there are two in the OCA calendar. The Hieromartyr Valentine, Bishop of Interamna in Italy, is commemorated on 30 July, and a presbyter named Valentinus is named among the martyrs at Rome on 6 July. Their lives concern healing, conversion and martyrdom and do not concern romantic love. Neither is commemorated on 14 February.

What does the Orthodox Church commemorate on 14 February?

The OCA calendar for 14 February includes the repose of Saint Cyril, Equal of the Apostles and Teacher of the Slavs, together with the Venerable Auxentius of Bithynia and the Venerable Isaac the Recluse of the Kiev Caves. Cyril, with his brother Methodius, is remembered for bringing the Gospel to the Slavic peoples in their own language.

Can 14 February fall during Great Lent?

Not in this century. Great Lent starts forty-eight days before Pascha, and Orthodox Pascha does not fall earlier than 4 April in the civil calendar, so Clean Monday cannot come before 15 February. The date can, however, fall in the pre-Lenten weeks or on a Wednesday or Friday, when many Orthodox keep a fast, so check your parish calendar.

Which Orthodox saints are patrons of marriage?

Among those commemorated in the OCA calendar are Saints Peter and Fevronia of Murom on 25 June, Saints Adrian and Natalia on 26 August and Saints Joachim and Anna on 9 September. Couples often turn to them in prayer, especially when preparing for marriage.

How can I keep Valentine’s Day if I am single?

Treat it as an ordinary day with some opportunities: spend time with friends and family, write to someone who has helped you in the faith, serve someone who is lonely and go to a service. The Church honours the single life, and a relationship begun in a hurry to meet a date on the calendar rarely lasts. If the day is painful, speak to a friend or your priest.

Sources and further reading

Pastoral practice can vary by diocese and jurisdiction. For questions about your circumstances, speak with the priest responsible for your pastoral care.