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Choosing godparents in the Orthodox Church: how to decide well

What an Orthodox godparent actually promises, who is allowed to be one, how many you need, and how to ask without putting anyone in a difficult position.

By Orthodate Editorial9 minute read

The short answer

Who can be a godparent in the Orthodox Church, and how do you choose?

A godparent must normally be an Orthodox Christian in good standing, old enough to take it seriously. The role is real: they answer for the child at the baptism and help raise them in the faith for life. One godparent is enough in most parishes. Choose someone who will still be around in fifteen years, not the person who would be most offended to be left out.

Most couples pick godparents the way they pick wedding seating, by working out who will be upset. That is understandable and it is the wrong method. The Orthodox Church treats a godparent as a lifelong relative in the faith, and it is worth deciding on those terms.

At a glance

Key takeaways

  • The godparent answers for the child at the baptism, says the Creed on their behalf and takes on a lifelong duty to help raise them in the faith. It is a spiritual relationship, not an honorary title.
  • A godparent normally has to be an Orthodox Christian in good standing. Most parishes will not accept a non-Orthodox sponsor, because the role involves professing a faith they do not hold. Practice on a second, non-Orthodox witness varies, so ask.
  • One godparent is enough in most Orthodox practice, often of the same sex as the child. Choose for presence and faith rather than for family politics, and say plainly what you are asking for when you ask.

1. What a godparent actually does

At an Orthodox baptism, the godparent is not a spectator. They hold the child, they renounce evil on the child's behalf, and they recite the Creed for a person too young to say it.

That is the whole logic of the requirement. Someone is standing up and professing the Orthodox faith as the child's voice. The Church therefore asks that they actually hold it.

After the day itself, the role is ordinary and long. A godparent is expected to pray for their godchild, to take an interest in their life, to bring them to church when they can, to remember their name day, and to be an adult in their corner who is not their parent. When a teenager cannot talk to their mother or father about faith, the godparent is who the Church intends them to have.

It is also a real relationship in Church law. The bond between a godparent and a godchild counts as a spiritual relationship, and in Orthodox practice it can be an impediment to marriage later between the families involved. That is one more reason to treat it as more than a photograph.

2. Who is allowed to be one

The baseline is simple, even though the details vary.

  • An Orthodox Christian in good standing. That usually means baptised or chrismated, attending church, and not in a situation the Church cannot bless, such as a marriage that was never blessed.
  • Old enough to understand the promise. Many parishes set this at around twelve or older, and in practice most godparents are adults.
  • Able to be present at the baptism. Some parishes allow a sponsor to stand in by proxy, but it is the exception rather than the plan.
  • Normally not a parent of the child. Parents already have the duty; the godparent is meant to be an additional person.
  • Often of the same sex as the child, though this is custom in many places rather than a universal rule.

3. Can a non-Orthodox person be a godparent?

Usually not, and the reason is worth understanding rather than just accepting.

The godparent professes the Orthodox faith aloud, on behalf of someone who cannot speak for themselves, and undertakes to raise them in it. Asking a Catholic, Anglican or non-religious friend to do that puts them in the position of saying something they do not believe. Most priests will decline, and they are not being unkind.

There are things that can be done instead. Some parishes allow a second person to act as a witness or to be named in the certificate without being the sponsor. Many families simply give a beloved non-Orthodox friend or relative a clear and honoured role on the day, and tell people plainly what it is.

What causes lasting hurt is promising someone the godparent role and then withdrawing it after the priest says no. Ask first. Then ask them.

4. How many you need

Orthodox practice differs from the Western one that most people have absorbed from films.

In much of the Orthodox world, one godparent is the norm, often of the same sex as the child. Greek practice in particular tends to a single sponsor, who is frequently the koumbaros or koumbara who stood at the parents' wedding.

Some jurisdictions and families allow two, one of each sex. A few parishes permit more, though it is rarely encouraged, because splitting the role among a committee tends to mean nobody holds it.

The practical advice is to ask your priest how many your parish allows, and then to use fewer than the maximum. One person who turns up for fifteen years is worth more than four names on a certificate.

5. How to choose without a family argument

Here is a test that cuts through most of the difficulty. Picture your child at fourteen, in a difficult patch, not wanting to talk to you. Who do you want them to be able to ring?

That question tends to produce a different answer from "who would be offended". It also tends to produce the right one.

Some things worth weighing: will this person still be in your life in a decade, do they practise the faith rather than merely belong to it, do they live close enough to show up, and are they able to carry one more real obligation without resentment.

Some things worth weighing less: who is the eldest sibling, who hosted the baby shower, who has the most money, and who asked first. Generosity on the day is not the same as presence over fifteen years.

If you are worried about family feelings, the honest route is usually the easy one. Say that the Church treats the role as a lifelong spiritual duty and that you chose on that basis. Most relatives accept a reason. Few accept a silence.

6. How to ask

Ask in person if you can, or by voice if you cannot. Not by message with an announcement graphic.

Say what the role involves before you ask them to accept it. Something like: this is a lifelong role in the Church, we would want you praying for them and involved in their life, and the priest asks that godparents be practising Orthodox Christians. Then ask.

Give them permission to say no. A person who takes this on reluctantly often fades within a year, and that is worse for the child than a cheerful refusal now.

Then put them in touch with the priest. The parish may want to meet them, confirm their standing, or ask them to go to confession before the baptism. That is normal and not a judgement on anybody.

7. Keeping the relationship alive afterwards

Most godparent relationships fade not through bad will but through a lack of any fixed habit. A few small ones fix that.

Mark the name day. In Orthodox practice the feast of the child's patron saint matters at least as much as a birthday, and it belongs to the godparent to remember it.

Mark the baptism anniversary. A message once a year costs nothing and is a reminder for everyone of what the day was.

Bring them to church occasionally. Even once or twice a year, the godparent taking the child to the Liturgy and to Communion does what the role was created for.

And as parents, make it possible. A godparent who is never invited cannot be present. Send the photographs, mention them to the child by name, and keep the line open.

A simple way to decide

Work through these in order, before you tell anybody anything. It takes an evening and it saves a great deal of awkwardness.

  1. Step 1

    Ask the priest what your parish requires

    How many sponsors are allowed, what standing is required, whether a non-Orthodox person can hold any role, and whether they must attend in person. Get this before you have any conversation with family.

  2. Step 2

    Write down names without discussing them

    Each parent writes their own list first, privately. Comparing two independent lists tells you a lot more than talking it through, because talking tends to drift towards whoever is loudest in the family.

  3. Step 3

    Apply the fourteen-year-old test

    For each name, ask whether you would want your child at fourteen to be able to ring that person. Cross off anyone who fails it, however awkward that is.

  4. Step 4

    Check the practical things

    Distance, health, their own commitments, and whether their situation is one the Church can bless. It is better to find an obstacle now than to have the priest raise it a fortnight before the baptism.

  5. Step 5

    Ask properly, and allow a no

    In person, with the duties explained, and with a clear statement that they may decline. Then introduce them to the priest and let the parish do the rest.

Common questions

Can a godparent be from a different Orthodox jurisdiction?

Yes. Greek, Antiochian, Russian, Serbian, Romanian, OCA and the other Eastern Orthodox churches are in communion with one another, so a sponsor from any of them is normally acceptable. Oriental Orthodox churches, such as the Coptic and Ethiopian, are a separate family, so ask the priest before assuming in that case.

Can a married couple be godparents together?

Practice varies. Some parishes are happy for a married couple to act as the two sponsors, and others prefer sponsors from different households so that the child has more than one home to turn to. Ask your priest. If you have a choice, consider whether two people in one house really gives your child two independent adults.

What if the godparent we chose stops practising?

The baptism stands and the spiritual relationship does not expire. You cannot replace a godparent after the fact in the way you might change a legal guardian. What you can do is keep praying for them, keep the door open, and make sure your child has other practising adults in their life. Many lapsed godparents return later.

Is a godparent the same as a legal guardian?

No. A godparent has no legal standing and does not automatically take custody if anything happens to the parents. Those are separate questions, settled in a will or by a court depending on where you live. Many families choose the same people for both, but you have to do each one deliberately.

Do godparents give gifts at the baptism?

Customs vary widely. In many traditions the godparent provides the baptismal cross, the white garment and the candle, and sometimes the child's first icon. In others the family handles all of it. Ask the parents or the parish what is expected locally rather than guessing, and keep it modest.

Can we have a godparent who lives abroad?

It is allowed, and it is common in communities spread across several countries. Be honest about what it means in practice. Someone twelve time zones away can pray, write and visit occasionally, but cannot take your child to church. If the only candidate is abroad, consider whether a second person nearby can take part in some clear way.

Sources and further reading

Pastoral practice can vary by diocese and jurisdiction. For questions about your circumstances, speak with the priest responsible for your pastoral care.